a wannabe's wonderings

a reminder from Rick...

2009-05-11T15:18:00.000-07:00

WHO JESUS CAME FOR
By Rick Warren

In my study of Gospels, I made a list of the people Jesus came for:

Jesus came for the chewed up, crossed off, crying out
The dropped out, edged out, fizzled out, and freaked out
The have nots, the held back, hung over, and knocked around

He came for the left out, the loaded down, and looked over,
The locked up, led astray, laid off, and let down
The messed up and the mixed up

He came for the passed over, the picked on, put down, pinned down,
and pushed around

The ripped off, the run down & the run over

Jesus came for people who are screwed up and shrugged off,
The shut in and shut out
The smashed up, the stacked against, and strung out

Our Savior came for the torn up, thrown away, and the turned off

Those who are used up and walked over,
The washed out, the worn out, the wiped out, and the written off

He came for you. And me.

23 services...5 locations...4 days...check it out on fox news

2009-04-09T10:21:00.001-07:00

big bear...houston...africa...oc

2009-02-25T09:50:00.000-08:00

big bear...i went with my small group guys last weekend up to big bear for the chi alpha retreat...good stuff...challenging messages...good relational time...my guys are graduating soon...cant believe that...im anxious to see where they go with things over the next couple years...i used to feel such pressure, as a mentor, to make sure they succeed...now i dont feel that way anymore...i think i've realized that there really is little i can do to influence once they move on...i just trust that everything i've poured into them will come to surface when the time is right and they'll be ok...got two feet of snow in big bear...beautiful...left early before it got too bad so we didnt get stuck up there for a week with no food...fun times...

houston...i'm headed there tomorrow for a little r&r with my best friends...i cant wait...and i get to meet little gabby!!!!...she hasnt met her uncle danny yet, and thats a damn shame...so now we'll fix that this weekend...she's beautiful...i cant wait to hold her...mandy sent me an email this week..."liza, danny, mandy, and ed together again...all is right in the world"...agreed...thats what its like when you get together with best friends...all is right...cant freakin wait!!!!...

africa...finalizing plans for rwanda right now...june 29-july13...three teams with three student team leaders who are vets at rwanda...orphan team...medical team...documentary team...its gonna be legit...god is providing in unexpected ways...i'm really really stoked for this trip...i cant wait to return to rwanda...and i cant wait to take these kids...good good stuff...

oc...life is good...summer is coming...which means the beach is gonna start getting full of tourists...thats ok...its fun to people watch...my nephew is coming out to visit soon...mom and dad and sis are coming soon too...its all good...i kinda like my life here...ya...

thats it for now...till later...

today...

2009-01-31T00:18:00.000-08:00

today i was on my way to work and re-lived how stoked i was during the first few days i moved out here...i was driving to work...it was 75 degrees...catalina island and the ocean was in the rearview mirror...a snow-capped mt. baldy was in front of me...and i was headed to disneyland for the day with the team...does it get any better?...still so stoked to live here...

till later...

rwanda...again...

2009-01-31T00:07:00.000-08:00

starting to finalize plans for next rwanda trip...12-15 high school students...three teams...one medical, one orphan care, and one documentary...super talented student leaders for each of the teams...small group dudes going...june 30-july 12...cant wait...training meetings...kids getting shots...tickets to buy...about $60,000 to raise...its gonna be sick...i'll keep you posted on the progress...

till later...

goals...

2009-01-25T22:14:00.001-08:00

i had a great meeting on friday with my boss...i had laid out the '09 annual plan and wanted some feedback on it...we talked about some goals for the new year, and it was really exciting to see her support and energy getting behind where i wanted to take the local hiv/aids initiative...i think its gonna be a fun year, and today i found myself in a really thankful place for the job that i have and the blessings i experience through it...

i started thinking about the importance of goals...i used to think that the significance of a goal lied in its ability to provide direction and focus to our everyday lives...i know this is an important piece of goal-setting, but as i was reviewing my goals for this coming year, i felt like maybe there was something more to it...after i thought about it for awhile, i realized i was right...there is something more to it...

goals show us where we've been...david c. mccullough (a pulitzer prize winning author in the late 1700's) said "history is a guide to navigation in perilous times. history is who we are and why we are the way we are"...in order to set a goal, you first must examine where you've come from and where you currently are...there's so much value in asking tough questions like "what are the significant experiences in my life that have brought me to where i am today?"...who i've been and who i am are the two best predictors of who i will be...the past has real value in our lives and, when we take time to reflect on it, only then can we honor it by learning from it and allowing it to shape us into who we WANT to be instead of allowing it to CONTROL us into someone we probably dont want to be...

as i was thinking about this, though, i started doing what i do a lot...i started talking myself out of this line of thinking and started thinking that reflecting on the past is dangerous and can cause us to get stuck...i mean, how many people have you met that are so stuck in anger about the past, habits that started long ago, or simply cant move forward...another famous author, george bernard shaw, said "we are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future"...i loved this quote because this is where i was landing with my thinking about goals...

goals are powerful...they move us forward...they're the tangible expression of our hopes, dreams, and visions for our lives, businesses, relationships...but the power of goals doesn't lie only in the hard work that is done in reflection and review of where we've come from...the real power of goals lies in the sense of responsibility they give us for the future...the inspire us to actions that help us live out our responsibility...the focus us and remind us that we are not responsible for everything and everyone...and they help us see those around us who are moving in the same direction- those who have similar goals- and connect us to something way bigger than ourselves...

just thought i would share that little nugget of deep thought...haha...

till later...

something learned

2008-12-07T22:20:00.000-08:00

tonight i thought i was going to have to become a vegetarian...i was reading (again) genesis 1...the creation story...in verse 29 god says that he gives plants and fruit-bearing trees to man as food...its after the section that he explains that animals are under man's rule and authority...i just found it interesting that there was a section that was completely separate that talks about food for man and it didnt include anything about meat or animals...which, if you know me, is not a pretty thought...

so i googled it and my anxiety was put to rest...in genesis 9, after the flood, god tells noah and his family that he can eat the animals...i guess because the flood destroyed all the plants? i dont know...

it was cool to learn something new from scripture tonight...

i'm gonna go eat a cheeseburger now...

till later

galatians 5:6...

2008-11-02T22:01:00.000-08:00

"the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

thought on the world...my world...

2008-11-02T21:12:00.000-08:00

tonight i watched "hotel rwanda"...let me take a step back first, and start at the beginning...a month ago i switched jobs and started working at the hiv/aids initiative here at saddleback...it is an incredible opportunity for me, and i love the work i am doing...everyday i get the chance to go to work for something that really matters...i'm where i need to be...part of my job is to help saddleback members/attenders get connected with opportunities to serve the hiv/aids community...almost all of my time and energy is focused on local efforts...for us, local = us, mexico, and carribean...so far, i'm focused very locally...but there are some incredible plans for nyc, mexico, and la...its gonna be soooo fun!...lovin' it..

so this weekend i had meetings with high schools students to talk about rwanda...i'm going to be leading a trip to rwanda with 20 high school students in march...so tonight...after all the meetings, talking, and answering questions, i came home and guess what was on tv...hotel rwanda...i watched it again...its the 5th time i have watched it...i was struck again with how real it is...it tells the story of the rwandan genocide with respect and honesty...its a powerful movie about very real people, pain, and hope...if you haven't seen it yet, rent it this week...

so here's the part of this post that goes along with the title...as soon as the movie ended, i started scrolling through the channels and saw a title that peaked my interest...it was a show on tbs called "beautiful babies at 17" or something like that...i clicked on it- confused by the title- and came to see that it was a show about 17 y.o. girls that had grown up doing beauty pageants since they were little babies...it was sad...really...these girls had dedicated their entire lives to pageantry, physical beauty, and superficiality...for 17 years it was all they had known...

i thought to myself, this is the u.s...beauty pageants, superficial smiles, glitz and glamour...but empty...rwanda was so much more an attractive picture to me in that moment...even in the midst of poverty, pain, and political unrest, it looked so much better...i started to get really self-righteous about this, and then i realized i was part of the problem...i was sitting in my super comfortable living room on my big leather chair, watching my 55 inch big screen hdtv, eating some delicious home cooked food...none of that is bad at all...but i realized in that moment that i hadn't taken any time during the day to stop and thank god for those blessings and soooo many more that i had experienced today...i had taken all of the comforts and pleasures in my life for granted today...people in rwanda (and zimbabwe...and the sudan...and kenya...and romania...and nyc...and la...and parts of the oc) are struggling to survive...and today i did not...and i need to thank god for that today

i'm going to rwanda in march...with 20 high school students...and i can't wait...

till later...

lesson learned...

2008-08-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

i haven't written in a really long time...life has been a little busy, and i've started facebooking...i think i can only handle one website at a time...i'm on vacation now, though, and have a little time on my hands to write some...

we just got back from hsm summer camp a few days ago, and i was thinking back over the week today telling a friend about it...i love it when i have those moments that i learn something unexpected...it happened at camp this week...i was looking forward to camp this year, but i knew it would be a different experience because none of the guys from my small group were going to be there...they were all on vacation or had just gotten back from long trips or something...so i didnt really know any of the guys that were going to be in my cabin...i wasnt really sure what to expect...

when i walked in my cabin, i almost started laughing...i had three guys from capo hs that were sports guys and total beach bums...i also had two guys that were into classic rock and had hair past their shoulders...another guy raises lambs for his school's agriculture program...and the last guy was a "normal" average kid that went to school with some of the other guys...immediately i thought, "oh wow, this is gonna be an interesting week."...you know how hs cliques are...i could only imagine how the beach guys were going to gel with the lamb-raiser and rockers...i expected the worst...

the lesson i learned, though, was how important it is to be quick to love...within about an hour of being in our cabin, all of the guys in our cabin were laughing with eachother...there were pranks happening, jokes being made, nicknames being formed...they guys in my cabin were so quick to love on eachother...they could have been judgmental or cliquey...but instead they chose to love...and as a result they had an incredible camp experience...

i think i need to be more quick to love...i usually get around to it...but it can take me some time...if you examine christ's example, he was quick to love...the guys in my cabin reminded me of this...dont just love...love quickly...

lesson learned...

till later...

days off...

2008-07-22T19:12:00.001-07:00

i've had the past two days off...its been great...we've been working so much lately, that a couple days off are super needed...this is how i spent my day off today...at the beach with my dog and a good book...actually a couple good books...a cold frapuccino and my ipod...does it get any better...(i can think of a few ways, but let's not go there)

tonight is cleaning, getting caught up on credit card stuff for work, doing some research for thursday's service day in huntington beach, then early bed...it's weird how doing nothing can make me tired...haha...

till later...

myspace and facebook...

2008-07-22T02:14:00.000-07:00

i''ve had a myspace for a long time that the students in my previous ministry set up for me...i never used it though...so tonight i updated it and plan to stay in touch a little better with people...check it out...dannysells25...

also, check out my new facebook (and brandon, add me soon)...

now im going to bed...its late...im tired...i think this is why i dont do all this "social networking" stuff...geez...

till later...

too much...

2008-07-21T22:59:00.000-07:00

i was just updating my website section...i added some of the sites that i frequent just to stay up to date on the latest in the areas of justice,orphans, and the vulnerable...as i was looking through some of them, i just started thinking about how god must feel about the state of our world...

i started thinking about paul's words in philippians 2...he reminds us of how we are to treat others...its all wrapped up in humility, service, and love...but the best part of this passage is found in verses 10 & 11...

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself
and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2)

for me, its a reminder that even in the disgusting, depressing, evil world we live in, there is going to come a day when everyone...everyone...will confess christ as lord...every person who traffics children...every person who hates those that are suffereing with AIDS...every rich american who refuses to be generous to those who are in poverty...everyone who calls themselves Christian...and everyone who doesn't...everyone will know...

and on that day the poor, the sick, and the suffering will all experience love...and our world wont be so disgusting, depressing, and evil anymore...

just a thought...till later...

new sidebar stuff...

2008-07-21T22:45:00.001-07:00

check out the new sidebar stuff...couple good books and some new music i would recommend...if you've read any of them, let me know...i'm also always open to music suggestions...i have a gift certificate i've been waiting to use on some new stuff...any suggestions?...

till later...

not much to say...

2008-07-21T20:35:00.003-07:00

i talked to brandon today, and he scolded me for not writing on here for awhile...haha...it's true, i haven't written in a long time...it's not that i haven't had a lot going on...even some exciting stuff...i've even sat down about three times to blog, and nothing comes out...i think maybe its just some writers block or something, because i feel like i should have plenty to say...it's just not happening though...

if i had to write something tonight it would be a story from the pdym student leadership conference...isn't it weird how, at almost 33 years old, you can still be challenged by a teenager?...and not just challenged with leadership or patience or something else like that...i mean, challenged to be more of the person you know you were created to be...it happened to me this past week...

bethany hamilton, an 18y.o. professional surfer who had her arm bitten off by a shark, shared her testimony...she was preceded by a movie called "walk on water" about her life...it was great...but the thing that challenged me the most were the first words she said when she came out on stage...she said, "i wouldn't take my arm back if i had the chance."...wow...really? she is an 18 year old girl in the spotlight in an industry that values beauty and appearance...and she wouldn't take her arm back even if she had the chance...she said it has given her so many opportunities to share her faith that she wouldn't trade it for the world...

it made me think of paul...he says "for me, to die is gain"...bethany is living this out...

i don't think i do...

i was challenged...i wanna be more like that...i want to hold onto nothing in this world so tightly that i would miss the opportunities that god puts in front of me to love others into his kingdom...even my own life...i wanna be ready to let it go...the only thing holding me back, it seems, is me...

hmmm...just another wondering of a wannabe...

till later...

save the planet...

2008-07-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

a few weeks ago we started a new series in HSM on the weekends...it's called Save The Planet...it's a three week series that covers God as Creator, our responsibility/privilege to take care of creation, and Christ's reconciliation of all creation...it's been an interesting series...some of the students i've talked with haven't really gotten it...they ask things like "why are we talking about recycling bottles and cans in HSM"...a staff member in another department joked with me this week that he thought our "Save The Planet" theme and series was lame...of course there have been some students and staff that have loved it and get it...

i'm not really a tree hugger/recycler freak...i've always kind of wanted to be...i mean, i do some little things...i have CF bulbs thoughout my home...i recycle my bottles and cans...i buy recycled products as much as i can...i use cloth shopping bags at the grocery store...i limit my gas usage as much as i can (mostly because of cost though)...but i still feel like a wannabe with this whole environmental thing...

i was just sitting here in It's A Grind getting some work done and i noticed a display for One Harvest Coffees...it's a fair trade, organic coffee brand that they sell here...i like that idea too...it all got me thinking...

what would it really be like if we treated the environment like we should...what would it be like if our world only bought fair trade stuff...what would it be like if all of us were just a little more tree-hugging?...

i guess i just found myself wondering if God would be any more glorified...here's the thing...i get it...our environment is going to crap...we're consumers to the point that it is sickening...we buy products that, if we really knew the cost of those on the people making them in third world countries, we wouldnt buy them...it's all bad news...but so many people are "going green" and it doesn't seem to me that God is really a part of that picture yet...glorifying God should be our reason to go green...Glorifying God should be our reason to buy organic, free trade coffee...glorifying God should be our reason to consume less...it should really all be about God...

so for me, i wanna be a God-hugger, not a tree hugger...not a fair trade freak, but a Jesus freak...not someone who saves the environment by recycling, but someone who saves souls by telling them about Christ...I wanna Save The Planet by glorifying God...and that means I'll recycle more, buy fair trade, and consume less...all for the glory of God...

what a jumbled mess of thinking...haha...till later...

(ps- i've written this post three times, and i'm still not sure i am really communicating all that is floating around in my head about this...haha...when i re-read it, it just seems so "duh"...there really is something brilliant waiting to come out of my head...haha...maybe more later on this one)

10 things...

2008-07-06T08:40:00.000-07:00

5 things that I am loving right now...
1. the new coffee shop at the Refinery...good Rwanda coffee...not church coffee...coffee with a cause
2. hsm service days...so fun in laguna last week...a bunch of students signed up for next week's day in san clemente
3. my boss, josh griffin...haha...raises come out next week...just thought i would grease the wheels a little!...haha
4. the beach...i dont wanna sound like a dork, but it just calms me...and i need a lot of calming lately...good stuff
5. the random competitions at the main event (our midweek fun night in the Refinery)...last week was lego competitions...this week...water bar taste test competition...haha

5 things that are driving me nuts right now...
1. shoes...freakin shoes...i've given away over 10,000 pairs already and i still have about 30,000 pairs to go...freakin shoes
2. cost of gas...seriously...its killin me...(did i mention raise time is coming up soon? haha)
3. not being home for holidays...the 4th of july is the weakest of all holiday celebrations in my family, but i would still loved to have been there for it
4. lack of consistency in my spiritual life...i'm in a great spot lately...really connected to god and feeling like he is leading...but in those times i realize how many times i am not there...thats frustrating...i wanna be more consistent (i feel like i've been saying that for 10 years, and i wonder if i will say that the rest of my life)
5. refinery t-shirts...seriously, i said if they were gonna make me look like i have cleavage i wanted a larger size!...they're so freakin small (ok, maybe its not ALL the t-shirts fault, but it at least shares the blame)

a few pics...

2008-06-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

here are a few pics i took at the refinery yesterday when we were giving tours...more tours today and i'm gonna take some more pics...these are just views of the front main entrance...this building is AMAZING...imagine the coolest building you can...and even then, its probably not close...seriously, its sick!!!...i CANNOT WAIT to do ministry with students in this building...

true fellowship...

2008-06-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

last night was our monthly worship night called fuel...good stuff...i had some great prayer time with several of the guys from my small group...we had a great conversation about true, biblical fellowship...one of the things we focused on was that biblical fellowship has less to do with the amount of time spent together and more to do with quality of that time...the conversation basically just centered around how these guys could take fellowship to the next level...i challenged each of them to spend time together, celebrate together, serve one another, and love each other...the guys are going to be looking for a chance to serve at least one other person in the group between now and next thursday when we get together again...i'm looking forward to hearing their stories of how they serve eachother...with finals coming up, they should have plenty of opportunities...

today was fun at work...i took a few interns and we drove down to laguna to spend some time "listening to the city"...we walked the streets, sat in a coffeeshop, and basically just listened to the Spirit prompt us...we were planning our service day that is scheduled for july 3rd...we came up with some really fun ideas of how our students can make an impact in laguna beach in three hours that might leave people asking "what was that all about?"...

we also had a great meeting today planning our "main event" nights that are starting soon once we open the refinery...lets just say this...wikipedia races, lego building competitions, 3-on-3 tourney, kajabe can can, and about 10 other freakin awesome ideas on the table...these nights are gonna be so fun...

the only thing i'm left thinking tonight is...how do i pull all this off with such a small budget?...hahaha...its old school youth ministry...activities and budget...fun times...cant wait...

till later...

4 new books...

2008-06-12T21:05:00.001-07:00

i've been searching my shelves for a few days now trying to choose my next four books to focus on...here's what i've landed on...leaders on leadership (my leadership book- obviously), unchristian (youth ministry related book- i know its a stretch, but its ministry so it works), rich christians in an age of hunger (peace related book), and one thing (personal devotion book)...

there's a couple of books that i am excited to read soon when they come in the mail also...why we're not emergent and a christianity worth believing...some emerging thought stuff that i just ordered...sounds good...i'll tackle those next...

so i'll update the "good readin" section later with my new titles...

till later...

one more sign you're in orange county...

2008-06-09T18:18:00.000-07:00

the weather is 80 and sunny...bright blue skies...cool breeze...you live 5 miles from some of the most beautiful beaches in the world...and you dont take advantage of it on a day like this...that's me today...and it's definitely a sign you're in orange county...so many people dont ever go to the beach here...people pay thousands and thousands of dollars to travel here all the time to have what we have on a daily basis...and so many never take advantage of it...and today i didn't either...i was lazy, watched tv, read, then went to the pool for and hour and a half...but no beach...i should have gone...wish i would have...with all the stuff coming up, i probably wont have the chance for a few weeks...oh well...

till later...

acid...

2008-06-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

i went to the doctor today...i've not been feeling good lately...i've been sick to my stomach some, serious heart burn a lot, and even threw up a couple times over the past few days...the other day my glands were swollen...this morning i woke up at 5 am and threw up 4 times...thought i better get it checked out...the doctor said i have a weak flexor muscle that control acid in the stomach...essentially acid reflux...haha..he said i have to chew my food A LOT...stay away from spicy foods...and use zantac or some other over the counter acid controller to help...he also gave me a general antibiotic in case there is some intestinal infection...whatever...

today was a good day off...trying to choose my next round of books...never got into "visioneering" by andy stanley...i feel like i've ready it 5 times already...same thing as in the rest of his books...not bad, just been there done that...almost done with soul cravings...great...finished strategic volunteers...good...almost done with children of aids...not an easy read but good stories or real life...hard life, but real...so now i am searching my shelves for what's next...i have "jesus for president" that i've been picking my way through...i think that will be one...but we'll see what else will be in the mix...i'll update the books as soon as i know...

till later...

the refinery...

2008-06-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

i haven't had much time to post since vacation ended...as is usually the case with vacation, when its over sometimes you wonder if it was worth it because of all the work that lies ahead...i've had a lot of phone calls and emails to return from when i was out...i'm covering for my friend, megan, who is on vacation...she leads life hurts god heals (program for hurting kids)...and i had no idea she gets so many phone calls and emails about her program...so all that to say, i havent had much time or energy to post lately...

the refinery, our new student facility, is almost complete and this weekend we gave tours to saddleback people who were wanting to make a donation...we creatively called them the "checkbook tours"...bring your check book and get a tour...it was a total success...lots of people came through, and we feel positive about the money it generated...its an UNBELIEVABLE building...all weekend long my mind was just swimming with ministry ideas...it's the zone in mt. vernon- on major steroids...MAJOR...soooo cool...i cant wait to have a place like this to connect with students...the coolest moment for me was when i took my small group guys through the other night...i've been praying that god would raise up some specific students that would really understand and grab ahold of the heart of what is behind this building...we want it to be all about reaching out to lost students...to be a place that every student can connect in...hsm central wrapped up in love and fun and jesus...so i've been praying that my guys would get this...and when i took them through the other night, they totally got it...we sat outside and talked about it...one of the guys said "we dont have any more excuses...you've taken away all our excuses to not be reaching out to our friends"...another guy said "this is a huge responsibility"...it was great...on their own, they circled up and prayed for all the ministry that was going to happen in that building...they prayed for the staff, student leaders, and workers that were building it...they actually went over to one of the workers and helped him carry in some stuff, then they each stood there and thanked him for all the work he had put into this place...all on their own...it was incredible...i love my guys...and they get it...so sweet!...

i'll put some pics up later tonight...

till later

a third sign you're in orange county...

2008-06-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

this morning i dropped sis off at the airport to fly home...then i went to the laguna starbucks that i frequent to do some reading and study before work...i just needed some time to get my head back in the game...laguna is a village that (from what i understand) had a pretty healthy homeless population...its also a tourist town, so maybe that makes for some good street begging or something...i dont know...anyway, this morning i overheard two homeless guys talking...they were discussing the new homeless guy that had moved into town and were getting a good laugh at some of his tactics...then they purchased their starbucks lattes and sat down to read the paper and listen to music...one of the guys asked the other one if he wanted to share his ipod headphones and listen to this new song he had just learned about...so they sat in starbucks sipping lattes, listening to music on the ipod, and looking down their noses at the new homeless guy...orange county...for sure...haha...

till later...

vacation...day 5...

2008-06-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

day 5...slept in...great...law & order episode #1...breakfast...law & order episode #2...walked around shops in ladera with sis...cloudy and grey so no beach today...kind of a bummer...but still good times just being lazy and talking/chillin...law & order episode #3...haha...went to mission mall and bought a new book and a magazine...rick is in the current issue of orange coast...the cover caught my eye cause it says something about the religious right and three oc pastors that influence it...the part about rick is great...talks about how he doesn't endorse politicians and sees issues of poverty and disease not as political issues but as spiritual issues...good stuff...off to laguna to walk around shops, sit in starbucks and talk with sis, and plan parents 40th anniversary shin dig...good cup o' joe and good conversation...back home for tacos...again...haha...they were just so good last night...law & order episode #4...maggie moos...and now bed...

we have an early morning tomorrow...sis flies home early...then i'm off to work...back to the routine...excited about what the next few weeks hold...opening of refinery (student zone)...summer interns starting...summer plans including camp, service days at beach, new ministry opportunities...good times over the next few weeks...i've found myself really missing friends from home lately though...i need to plan a trip there soon...its been since christmas...looks like it will be at least until sept before i can go though...too bad...

till later...

vacation...days 3&4...

2008-06-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

day 3...slept in...homemade scrambled eggs, sausage, green and red pepper skillets...yum...to the pool...got bored...no people to watch...too tired to read...tried to head to beach...flat tire...major bummer...thank you, jesus, for emergency roadside assistance with mazda...tire changed 45 mins later...off to beach (small spare tire in place)...fun, sun, sleep, gelato...back home for clean up, then off to rubio's at spectrum and movie #5...chronicles of narnia, prince caspian...awesome!...barnes and noble, starbucks, and back home...little tv, some emails to friends, then bed...oh bed...great day...

day 4...got up early to go get new tires and oil changed in car...$500 later i have great tires and a fresh supply of oil...and no money...back home, packed the cooler, headed to laguna...the next 5 hours were spent reading magazines, laughing at beach goers, sleeping...home for tacos and episodes of bones, cold case, and law and order...walked dog, talked to former students...some reading and off to bed...sooooo good...

till later...

vacation...days 1 &2...

2008-06-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

day 1...cleaned house and prepped for family coming to town...picked up fam at airport...stopped at the shake shack at crystal cove for a milkshake...movie #1- wedding planner...dana point harbor for some delicious dinner at harpoon henry's followed by live music...good times...movie #2- the great debaters (excellent)...

day 2...started off with movie #3- a walk to remember (embarrassing, but my sis loves it)...cleaned up and off to laguna beach where the sun shined, did some serious people watching, and kicked back with some music and cold drinks and burgers from greeters...awesome day...home for dinner...maggie moos (chocolate with heath bar and fudge for me)...and movie #4- narnia (in preparation for tomorrow night's prince caspian)...

so far, so FREAKIN GREAT!...

till later...

2 signs you're in orange county...

2008-05-30T12:27:00.001-07:00

1. a pierced, tatooed harley guy dressed in leather chaps and a cooks corner t-shirt (local biker bar) stands in front of you at starbucks and orders a double shot skinny carmel machiatto no whip with an extra pump of vanilla...so orange county

2. a man dressed in denim from head to toe complete with well-worn cowboy boots and 10 gallon hat smoking a pack (yes, a pack) or marlboros (not lights) sits outside starbucks drinking a venti dark roast...i'm waiting for him to break out a tin cup for the coffee and hop on his trusty sidekick, Silver, and ride down the dusty road to right the wrongs of the next mining town.

both of these incidents are real accounts of real people in the real orange county...

till later...

agree to agree...

2008-05-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

from simply strategic volounteers...one of the chapters (i cant remember which number) talks about this idea of agreeing to agree...at first, i was confused...i have always heard of agreeing to disagree...and in my mind this means that at the end of a discussion, if you're still not on the same page, then you just say "let's just agree to disagree"...there's no love lost...there's no hard feelings...but you still believe the other person is wrong and you are right...

the tip in this book is a little diffferent...its the idea of agreeing to agree...here's how it works...you come to a point in a discussion where you disagree...you listen to both points of view...and together the team makes a decision...those that disagree with that decision make a conscious, internal decision to agree...instead of assuming that they are right and the other person is wrong, they assume that it is the best decision...instead of just sweeping hard feelings under the rug and saying "lets just agree to disagree" they move themselves internally to a position of "this IS the best decision and I am onboard"...

its important, i think...when i agree to disagree, there is room for pride to get a foothold...there is bitterness beneath the surface...and i cant wait to say "i told you so"...but i've been practicing agreeing to agree...and i gotta say, its humbling...when i insist internally that i agree and i force myself to assume that the decision/conclusion landed on is the best, then i am humbled...cause clearly i just dont understand or dont have all the information...and that is a good place to be...a place for me where i dont know all the answers and i'm not always right..

till later...

"spiritual" gifts or spirit-led gifts...

2008-05-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

i mentioned a few posts ago that i've been chewing around some thoughts about spiritual gifts...and i'm not sure that i've totally figured out all of what i've been thinking...but here's where i'm landing on this as of right now...

i've been thinking lately about how so much of what i do is "self" motivated...and i've noticed that i'm not alone in this...even within the church...i was listening recently to a talk about spiritual gifts, and i heard how a lot of the language that we use to talk about even something as "spiritual" as spiritual gifts is self motivated...for instance, we talk about "what is my gift" and "how has god shaped me"...sometimes in books or conversations or messages that i hear about these things it almost feels like we are looking for the answers to these ?'s because we want to advance ourselves...i'm not sure i am explaining this well or not...here's an example...when we talk about using our gifts to serve, i've heard a lot of speakers say things like "if you find your shape, and serve in that shape, it will be the best life you could possibly live"...or maybe its more like "you're the only one that can do what you were created to do"...even in talking about using our spiritual gifts the focus is on advancing ourselves...it's all about "your life will be better" or "you are unique...and maybe even a little better than others"...

now dont get me wrong here...i totally believe in spiritual gifts...i believe that one of the best things that you can do is figure out your shape and serve in it...i've given shape tests to students for 7 years now...i would LOVE to be in a position to always serve in my shape...but the thing is...sometimes it just seems like we are on this journey of self-discovery and shape-discovery for our own glory...not for HIS glory...i mean, isnt the fact that god gave his only son on the cross enough to motivate us to serve him in anyway possible?...is it possible that finding out our shape and using that to serve him has very little to do with (in God's eyes) our own satisfaction, sense of accomplishment, or need to feel special?...is it possible that true self-discovery and shape-discovery begins, continues, and ends in a place that is willing to be led by god...sometimes it just feels like the language communicates "once i figure out (on my own) what my shape is, THEN i'll use that to serve God"...what if it was more like "i'm completely surrendered...wherever you lead...whatever you ask...i'm yours"...what if the journey to shape and self-discovery isnt something we look backwards to (where WE know the answer and we just have to find it)but is instead something that is always ahead (something we have to move outside ourselves to find)?...what if spiritual giftedness is for the moment...the moment that god places you in and calls you to?...

so obviously this needs some more thought...and clarification...just thought i would throw it out there...

till later...

like a kiss on the face (from soul cravings)...

2008-05-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

"when God does come to embrace us, to meet us face-to-face, to bring us into relationship with him, we far to often find ourselves betraying love...
yet His love is undeterred...
he still pursues us with relentless compassion...
god is the passionate lover of humanity...
he created you for love...
you cannot live without love, and you do not have to...
yes, there is an insanity to live. You will go mad pursuing it...
you will despise life itself if you do not find it...
your soul craves love and will find satisfaction with nothing less...
you shouldn't be surprised that as you look for love, you keep running into God...
listen to your soul... you have not given yourself to a futile search...
you are not alone in your pursuit...
love searches for you..."

my favorite line in this is "you shouldn't be surprised that as you look for love, you keep running into God"...

i haven't totally figured out why i connected so strongly with this line...i just know that as I was reading today at the beach I read this line probably 10 times...it stopped me dead in my tracks...i'll keep trying to figure it out...i dont know...

till later...

our father, who art in heaven...

2008-05-24T23:22:00.000-07:00

i spent some time tonight talking with a student who's father died this past week...his emotions were raw, a little close to the surface, but he seemed numb too...as we were talking, there were a couple of things that came up that i havent quite been able to shake all evening...

i asked this guy if there was something in particular that he was thinking about that was causing his emotions...he said that he was just starting to realize that he was never going to see his dad again...he went on to talk about some of the things he loved to do with his dad and how he was sad that he would never get to do those things again...as he was talking i found myself thinking that, in my relationship with god- my heavenly father- I would never have to know this pain...i would always know that the future was a picture of being with god...i would always have something to look forward to...i didnt need to look backward...

as we were talking, i said to him "god understands your pain. he watched his son die. he knows the pain you're feeling. you're not alone in it."... i've just found myself thinking about this a lot tonight...god gets it...a lot of times our painful times in life are made even more painful by our thoughts that god doesn't get it...that we are alone in it...that nothing can make it better...god gets it though...he's been through the worst, so that when we go through it, he knows...he gets it...

almost depressing, i know...i have some thoughts floating around in my head too about spiritual gifts and self-centerdness and duty too...i'm still figuring them out thought, so I think i'll post them tomorrow...till later...

brighter days...

2008-05-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

my friend brandon sometimes puts lyrics on his blog from different songs that he is listening to...he's a musician...i'm not...but i thought i would do it this time anyway...

i've been listening to the new leeland album...its one of those albums that the first time you listen to it you might not be blown away...but then after you've listened to it a few times, you catch something that you like...or you just warm up to it or something...this is one of those albums for me...the song brighter days was that moment for me...i've been spending a lot of time lately at the laguna beach starbucks right across from the main beach (its where i'm writing from now)...i have no idea why, but for some reason its a place where i can reflect and get out of myself a little...and the other day when i was there i came across this song...the first line is strong...

"time keeps moving on,
through the sunshine and the storm"

have you ever noticed how we try to stop time?...i do this all the time...when things are great...when life is good, and happiness is abundant, and relationships are good i want to stop time...i dont want it to end...i just want it to stay right there...and the opposite is the same...when life sucks...i would think i would want it to move ahead so life wouldnt suck anymore, but when i stop and think about it, i usually stop in these moments...i let apathy take over...i let laziness set in...and i sure dont hold onto the truth that "time keeps moving on"...

that's not even what this song is really about...but that one line caught my attention...it makes me ask the ? what would my life look like if i lived knowing that "time keeps moving on"...how would it affect me during the "sunshine" moments?...how would i react differently to the "storm" days of life?...this is a question i am going to be thinking a lot about this week...i get the sense that my life would look significantly different...and i think i need that...

till later...

XP3...

2008-05-23T10:24:00.000-07:00

i had a friend that told me about this discipleship resource...sweet website...i think its connected to northpoint...but i couldnt find anywhere on the website that says this...i love the XP3 idea...students experience three things...wonder, discovery, and passion...very cool...i passed on a sample lesson to jamie (our small groups coordinator) to see if its something we might be interested in for our small groups...till later...

from soul cravings...

2008-05-22T19:52:00.001-07:00

"while our brains may deny it, our hearts know it... love is proof of god. ..the further we move from love the more distant god becomes."

when i love...god is near
when someone shows me love...god is near

good stuff...till later...

simple...

2008-05-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

i'm sitting in starbucks right now...just dropped off my dad at the airport...he was out here for the PD Network Summit...this feels like the first chance I've had to mentally debrief from the summit...i was just sitting here thinking about the statistic that we've all heard of...half of the world lives on less than $1/day...I just spent $1.85 on a grande green tea lemonade with three pumps of melon...i've done this a lot lately...i'm not sure how i made this leap...but i was just thinking...what if you skipped every other trip to starbucks and put that money into a jar to save for a peace trip...and what if everytime you put the money in a jar you stopped and prayed for the people who live on less than $1/day...simple...hmmm...i had a friend that is going to kenya soon...i think i'll use this money to support her on her journey...i'll keep you posted on how its going...till later...

book reading strategy...

2008-05-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

(i haven't posted on here forever...again...i know...but i'm just going to ignore this and just jump right in and start again...haha..enough said)

i used to have this strategy for reading books...so like me...i cant do anything simply...gotta have a strategy or a plan or something...haha...so anyway...i've gotten away from it recently...i think just the busyness of life and probably a little laziness on my part led to that...but about 2 weeks ago i started it again...just thought i would share it with you...

i read 4 books at a time...i read a leadership book, a "peace" issue book, a personal growth book, and a youth ministry book...i feel like these are 4 areas that i have to be growing in all the time...i always want to be growing in leadership, learning more about the state of our world and what my role is, moving forward in a relationship with God, and staying fresh in ministry...so i read a little bit of all four book at the same time...for me, it works...i dont know if it will be helpful to anyone else or not...but there it is...my strategy...haha

i just listed my current reads on the side column...i'll keep you posted as these change...

till later...

headed to rwanda...

2008-03-23T22:19:00.000-07:00

i'm headed to rwanda in a week...in preparation i have been doing some important reading...a few weeks ago, bishop john ruchyanna spoke at saddleback...i was moved by his example of grace, forgiveness and peace...my parents were in town at the time, and my dad bought his book for me...i've been reading it...its powerful...actually, it is really difficult to read...its a sad story of mankind's sin condition, greed, and death...i really would recommend this book...i've believed for a long time that, at the very least, christians have a call on their lives to know...to know the condition of the world...the know the condition of their neighbors...and the share the hope that they have to those that soooo badly need it...i really believe that to be a christian in 2008 means that, at the very least, we do our part to know what our brothers and sisters are experiencing...this book confirmed this feeling in me...

i feel more compelled than ever to go to rwanda now...its will be a busy week of preparation...till later...

great day off...

2008-01-14T17:26:00.000-08:00

things have been a little busy since I got back to so cal from IL...we've started a new season of hsm at saddleback, and it is really exciting to be a part of it...our weekend services are more creative and back on track with the pdym paradigm...its been a ride the past couple of months...im excited about my new role too...im the p.e.a.c.e. coordinator for hsm...this week ahead will be one where i will get to explore what that looks like a little more...one of the things im going to start working on is a training trip to rwanda...saddleback is doing so much great ministry to churches in that country, and if i am going to lead the charge for hsm then i need to go and be a part of it...

i had a great day off...i spent the morning sleeping in...took oliver for a long walk...folded some laundry...then i met a friend from school down in laguna beach at greeters for some lunch...it was a beautiful day...80 and sunny at the beach...the water was so blue...after lunch i said bye and then went to a park bench and did some reading...i started "emergent manifesto"...its gonna be interesting i think...it is kind of a "what is it" or "how to" on the emergent church movement...i like it so far...definitely not an easy read though... but chillin at the beach, reading, and just watching the waves was easy...very easy...

tonight i made a big vat of spaghetti...haha...from scratch...so good...im taking some to work tomorrow to share for lunch...and tonight...finish the laundry and chill watching tv...overall, a great day off...kind of domestic day off...haha...i love living here...

will there ever be another seinfeld? (and pt. 2)...

2007-12-28T21:27:00.000-08:00

i haven't seen an episode of seinfeld in a long long time...it has been awesome to just take a few days to relax with some really good friends, watch some tv with family and laugh, and get back into blogging....but seriously...will there ever be another show as good as seinfeld?...i dont watch the office much, but i hear it is close...some would even say better...but i dont know...kramer is freakin hilarious...the best...

ok...back to where i've been...so what i wrote earlier is some of the personal stuff i've lived over the past 8 months...there are professional changes too...as i mentioned in the last post, i never really got my feet under me with the whole "programming" role...i mean, we pulled off some really fun stuff...there was the "brittany and lindsay look alike" weekend when we were talking about authenticity...that had the potential to be brilliant...there was the awesome AIDS weekend with the African Children's Choir and the Wise's...and there was Opera Dom, Bluetooth Johnson, and What Does Your Life Shout...all cool weekend program elements, but again...i never felt like i was in my groove...

so an opportunity has come up where i have a chance to start a new position...its a new position for high school ministry at saddleback...its called the PEACE coordinator and my role is three fold...PEACE stands for Promote reconciliation, Equip leaders, Assist the poor, Care for the sick, and Educate the next generation...so my job is to cover personal, local, and global PEACE for HSM...this means that I will be responsible for leading efforts to create a culture of personal PEACE in HSM (friendship evangelism...its the "bring" part...get people into the church)...Im also responsible for local PEACE efforts...this encompasses some "bring" stuff too...but it is also local "go" efforts...homeless shelter, soup kitchens, inner city LA, all of the Mexico stuff we do...three trips this year...the idea is that (through small groups) our students will serve our community's poor, hurting, sick, etc., and our community will respond by connecting to Christ and Saddleback...and finally...I'm also responsible for global PEACE...serving the poor, the sick, and those suffering from injustice...Rwanda, Kenya, Argentina, and lots of other parts of the globe...to expand a lot!!...all the HSM HIV/AIDS stuff...reaching the globe for Christ...

so thats it...PEACE...something huge...something that my heart beats for...something that I want to be more of...God is really good to me...so when i return to So Cal next week its a whole new experience...again...haha...oh well, someone once said familiarity breeds contempt...so why keep things familiar?...change it up, right?...

till next time...

where i've been (bringing everyone up to speed...a little bit)...

2007-12-28T09:03:00.000-08:00

(preface) this is a long one...but it all comes together in the end...

so heres a short synopsis of my life in the past several months...mostly i'm writing this because i want to remember it later...yesterday i was reading through my archives on here...it was cool to see some things i had been chewing on have actually come to reality...so im gonna write some stuff from the here-and-now so in a year or so i can see where it has led me...

so 8 months ago i moved to southern ca to begin a job at saddleback church...i was going to be the weekend programmer for high school ministry...sounded cool...i needed a change of scenery...and i really saw god open some doors that i was sure would stay closed...so i went through the doors...packed up a moving van...sold about half of my life off...and made the horribly boring drive through western texas, god-forsaken new mexico, and the california desert to get to orange county...i had done lots of internet research on places to live, only to find that i would be incredibly poor and living in a crappy apartment...but i didnt care...i had some beautiful pics to look at and the apartment looked nice...ya...well...not so...when i pulled up after 32 hours of driving in a 48 hour span i was disappointed to see a fairly run-down apartment complex that i had signed a lease on sight-unseen...but i decided to make the best of it...so my dad and i climbed the 39 stairs an ungodly number of times carrying stuff up to the apartment...which ended up being really nice inside...

i had several visitors immediately after i arrived...and then a college student from my ministry in mt vernon moved in for the summer...he was in the OC doing an internship...several more visitors trickled in and out throughout the summer...all fun...just a little chaotic...then that student moved out and two more students from my home town moved in and began college in the OC...

(at this point, between visitors and college students, I literally have lived in my apartment by myself for a total of 12 hours...which sounds like no big deal except that i had spent 10 years living on my own prior to this...ya...adjustment...flexibility...not strengths of mine at this point)

things at work through the summer and into the fall were really really really busy...i had a hard time getting my feet under me...the weekend program was the capstone of my ministry in mt. vernon...but for some reason i had a really hard time feeling confident in this role at saddleback...i still havent figured that one out...i mean...we werent doing anything fresh and new at all really...and the direction the weekend was heading wasnt out of the ordinary for me at all...i just could never get my feet under me...it was really really wierd...

the guys started school and i kept working...we had some really fun times...cooking meals together...movies...the beach...but overall, none of us were loving living there...then around october i realized that i needed to let go...let go of the past...i felt like i was trying to move forward while keeping one eye focused on the past and hoding tightly onto relationships in mt. vernon...and i think the guys felt the same way...so we all started doing some thinking...and we ended up with different decisions...i was staying and they were going home...

then the youth summit came into the picture...it started as an idea in july...we wanted to have a summit on aids that would connect our students to the global crisis that demands the attention of christ followers...so things really kicked into high gear in october...and until december 1st i worked and worked and worked and worked...in planning meetings...on videoes...in more planning meeting...on promotion...in more planning meetings...you get the picture...the summit was awesome...a ton of work...but worth it...1000 students onsite...4000 students via sattelite...global faith leaders like john thomas from south africa and frances chan...emerging world leaders like jenna bush...and rick and kay warren...completely and totally cool...the process was a pain...but the product was great...so we learned and now we will do it better next time...

so the summit ended on december 1st...then i had to move from my crappy apartment because it was sliding down a hill...really...not kidding...it was sliding down a hill...freakin california...

i found a great apartment in a really cool area...ladera ranch...its beautiful...but the thought of those stinkin 39 stairs...i just couldnt do it...so i hired movers...paid the deposits...packed it all up...moved 5 miles and unpacked it all...and thousands of dollars later...i now have a nice apartment in a nice area...

(still only had 12 hours alone in my apartments at this point...haha)

christmas break was fast approaching at this point...but there were some other big changes happening before Christmas that I wasnt sure of yet...

so right now i am in the vern and need to go to lunch with my parents...so i'll write more in a little bit about the other big changes...

but first let me say this...

god is good...i KNOW that now...and all of this (and so much more) has been a "breaking down" that i needed so bad...a deconstructing...things i thought i was good at...not anymore...things i thought i cared about...not so much anymore...things i thought i needed to survive and thrive...not really...today, im stronger...im more broken...im healthier...and im more dependent than ever before on god...somewhere close to where i should be...

more to come later today...

2007-12-26T19:15:00.000-08:00

Well...again...its been a long time since I've posted anything on here. I have a ton that I could have posted...in fact, so much that I havent had any time to do so. But I am home in MTV right now, and I have a little down time, so I thought i would get caught up with some blogging. It's a new year and I'm just gonna put it out there...I'm gonna blog this year. Yes, thats right...Brandon, Lindsay, and Josh G...you can hold me accountable...I will blog.

So here is a picture of the Christmas service at Saddleback. It was really great. They were recording in the service I attended for FOX News channel. Good music. Good message. And really fun times afterwards with some friends...dinner in Laguna at Sorrento Grille. As I was getting ready to come home for the holidays, I realized how God has blessed me with great friends in CA already. I've said from the beginning that I feel like I am on a ride. I have no agenda. I dont really have a plan for this whole thing. I'm just on a ride...letting God lead. And so far so good.

Over the next couple of days I'll put more on here about job news, apartment news, what i've been doing over the past 6 months...that kinda stuff...cause I WILL BLOG THIS YEAR!

a poem from a good friend...

2007-10-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

I’m trying to find my compassion groove
What it is that makes me move
That makes my heart go
Thump-thump, thump-thump
That makes my throat choke back that lump

What I’ve come up with so far
Are people and places
On the brink
On the edge
On the mend
On the outside
Wanting in

And my heart goes out
And my groove begins…

My heart goes out to you…
The lonely one
Needing a friend
Maybe heart-broken
Maybe at the end
Of a rope
Clinging to hope
That someone will come close
Someone will see you
Someone will hear you
Someone will want to be near you

You need love
Want love
But it’s hard to reach out
You swallowed the lie that you’re not worth the trouble
I’ll meet you half-way
Not good enough
I’m there on the double

My heart goes out to you

My heart goes out to you…
Africa…crippled by disease
New Orleans…stolen by storm
Iraq…damaged by war
Kabul…ransacked by injustice
New York City…wounded for life
North Korea…kidnapped by lies

What can I do?

My heart beats quick.
Love God. Thump-thump.
Love people. Thump-thump.

My heart goes out to you…
The one whose eyes have seen some hard stuff
Whose shoes I am not brave enough to walk

You’ve traveled dusty miles for water
You’ve cried tears of fear
You’ve seen too much death

What can I do…
Kleenex isn’t enough
To wipe away the past
Those memories that last

What can I say…
To make the pain go away?

God is your refuge

What can I do?
My heart goes out to you

Okay, I’m almost done…but not quite

My heart goes out to you…
the one sitting on your couch…
doing nothing
Feeling nothing

Well, maybe you feel something
When you watch the news
Disgust, rage, the Red Sox blues?
Bitterness, resentment, a little pride?
Sympathy, empathy…
did you feel something break inside?

But what does it take to get you to move
To get your feet to hit the floor
And say I’m not going to take it anymore
I’m not going to take
What I see that’s not right
Injustice
Poverty…push it out of sight

Well, I’m gonna fight

Fight to care for the lonely waitress
Fight for the one who can’t speak my language
Fight to care for the man on the street
Or the one across my office…just a few feet

Fight the urge to stayed glued to my seat
Fight complacency
Fight my ego
Where He goes…we go
Eating with sinners
Loving his enemies
He’s my compassion hero
He blazed the trail that we gotta follow

You know what I mean?

He saw something when he looked at people
Not just their skin…
Their hair…
What got them there…
To that place of
Broken-ness
Hopeless-ness
Selfish-ness
Lonli-ness
Wrestless-ness

He saw those battles we couldn’t win
Not on our own
And up welled compassion again

He saw something when he looked at me

So…I’m waving the white flag
It’s time to give in
Give into compassion
Find my passion
Get my mind connected to my heart
And my heart connected to my feet
So I can make the hard walk across my street
To my neighbor in need
And my hands…
There’s power in my hands that compassion can reek havoc with
When I dare to touch the untouchable
Dare to lend some help
Dare to care
Dare to reach into my wallet
And my words…
Messengers of hope
Like butterflies in the breeze
Have no fear
My God is here
I love you
Peace

I’m not going to fake it anymore
Pretending like I care
Pretending like I don’t
I can’t do it…I won’t
I’m on a mission
Compassion towards all.
The big bucks and the small
Time to feel
Time to move
Time to get on our compassion groove

Love God. Thump-thump.
Love people. Thump-thump.

a day at the beach...

2007-09-17T16:47:00.000-07:00

finally, a day off...this past week was ridiculous...good...but ridiculous...i worked until 8 or later 6 out of the 7 days last week...and two of those days it was until 10...so ya...a day off was much-needed...i went to laguna today and just spent some time reading a book that i've been putting off..."sex god" by rob bell...i have to admit, i had a little bit of a hard time getting into it...i put it down because i was getting frustrated...i'm almost certain that it was due to my tiredness and spent brain...i have this idealic view of rob bell...everything interaction i have had with him...whether it be in person, on video, or in book form...has been awesome...and since i was having a hard time reading the book right now, i thought i better put it down or else risk shattering my rob bell dream...haha...

so i switched to a novel and just relaxed...i realized something while i was there today...everyone looks smarter at the beach...haha...have you ever noticed how when someone is walking down the beach looking at the waves, they look smart...everyone looks contemplative...like they are deep in thought about the world or life or something...maybe they are pondering the cure for cancer or the latest social activism craze...or i guess its possible that maybe they are thinking about something as trivial as what they will eat for dinner that night...or how hot the girl was that they just walked by...or how they need to lose weight (that's what i ponder when i go to the beach)...no matter...they still look smart...all of them...i wonder if i look smart at the beach...

it's been a great day off...

peace 2.0...

2007-09-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

this weekend was peace 2.0 at saddleback...peace is saddleback's revolutionary method of mobilizing and utilizing christians in mission work...it stands for "promoting reconciliation", "equip leaders", "assisting the poor", "care for the sick", "educate the next generation"...its a holistic approach to serving the least of the world...this weekend pastor rick spoke about the next phase of peace...i was amazed to hear that, in the last 4 years, 7400 saddleback member have gone on a peace trip...7400...wow!!!...

as i was listening to rick speak this week, i was thinking a lot about my recent trip to zimbabwe...i cant wait to go back...i feel like there are some relationships that i made there that i havent done a very good job of fostering since i moved to ca...i need to reconnect with those...i would love to be a part of helping saddleback establish a strong presence in zimbabwe, like they have in rwanda...i wonder how i go about helping that happen?...that might be something that i check out soon...

we (the staff) had to be at all of the services this weekend...it made for a long weekend...but it was actually kind of fun...the community aspect was great...and it was just cool to feel the energy around saddleback...especially on this big weekend...austin summed it up best...he said "every weekend i just leave so excited...its so fun"...i feel the same way....if you've never visited saddleback, you should come soon...you've got a place to stay...

till next time...

the cotton ball...

2007-08-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

last night i opened up a new bottle of ibuprofen...as is usually the case, before i could get to the miracle cure for my near-exploding head, i had to punch through the foil cover on the bottle...to my frustration, though, that was not the end of the process to attaining the wonder-drug...next i was faced with having to remove a cotton ball from the bottle...a cotton ball...now let me say...the foil i understand...i can even go so far as to say i appreciate the foil...it gives me peace of mind that my bottle of goodness hasnt been tampered with...i see its purpose...the cotton ball, however...thats a different story...really...what's the reason?...i pondered this for awhile and i never came to a conclusion...i considered that maybe the cotton ball was in there to soak up any moisture (gross word) that might somehow get into the bottle...but then i decided that with the foil cover there was no way that the moisture (almost throwing up now) could get in there...so then i entertained another idea...what if the cotton ball was in the bottle to provide security to the goodness that is inside...you know...that way the drugs inside wouldnt get all banged up and break into pieces...is that the reason?...i dont know...

now i considered taking this line of thinking to a whole new level...thanks to my buddy josh g...i mean, one could ask the question...is this what jesus is like in your life? is jesus your spiritual cotton ball? he serves a purpose...an important one...he protects and gives security...but in reality you're just annoyed by how he does this...all the rules and all the boundaries...they're good because they protect us...but does our spiritual cotton ball annoy us more than we appreciate him?...hahaha...

i admit...this whole thing is a stretch...i just had to put it though because it reminded me of josh g...the dude can find a spiritual meaning in everything...show him a paper clip and he can lead you to salvation with it...hahaha...till later

the small things...

2007-08-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

i had a really interesting conversation with a friend today...it left me with a nagging question...one i've tackled before...i still dont have an answer to the question...not from my previous wrestling...and not from today...so here's the deal...

when we say "god has a plan for my life" what do we really mean?...do we mean that he has a plan of where we are to work, who we are to marry, and what our hobbies are to be?...do we think god literally has a plan for where we are to work?...do we think that god literally has a plan for one specific person for us to marry?...i see two possibilities to these questions...the first is yes...he does...and we need to work diligently to discover what that plan is...this option seems like a lot of pressure to me...mostly because i cant ever remember know 100% for sure that i was making the one decision that god wanted me to make...i think there have been times when i was pretty sure...there have been a lot of times when i didn't care (embarassingly)...and there have been times when i knew i wasn't...but i cant ever remember knowing 100% for sure that i was making the big decision that god wanted me to make...even coming to california...i mean, there were some pretty clear signs that i am walking down a path that god is blessing...but what if i had decided not to come...would i then be on a "less blessed" path?...was god concerned with me coming to california?...

the second option i see is that god doesn't care about some of these details...maybe god doesn't care about where i work...maybe he doesn't care about who i date (obviously there are many thoughts that can contradict that one)...maybe he doesn't care about what i do in my free time...maybe instead he cares about my character while i am doing these things...i mean think about it...nowhere in the bible does it say "you should be an accountant"...instead, it says "you should love others" and "as you go through life tell people about me"...it never says "you must move to california"...instead it does say "if you move to california, serve the people you find there and tell them jesus loves them"...

so here's the whole deal with this thing...i've spent a lot of time seeking god's guidance and lordship on the biggies...like where i am supposed to work, and what i am supposed to be doing with my life...but i am starting to wonder if i should instead just continue to focus on allowing god to shape my character...no matter where i work...no matter who i am dating...and no matter what the circumstances of my life at the particular moment...maybe this is how i allow god to be the lord of my life...in the small things...

till next time...

(ps...i'm not sure i've communicated this well at all...hit me up if this is confusing)

interesting article...true i think...

2007-08-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

i was looking at the relevant magazine website this morning and saw this interesting article about happiness...it basically talks about a survey that was done regarding what makes us happy...the survey was done with 13-24 year olds...guess what was #1...time with family...initially when i read this, my reaction was "duh"...but when i stop and think about it more, i am suprised by the results of this study...i mean, remember what it was like to be that age?...time with family was no where on my radar...at all...

it begs a question...if 13-24 year olds really think family time is what brings true happiness...then why dont they seek it out on a regular basis?...why do we, as human beings, so often seek out things that, even we know, aren't the answers to true happiness?...something to think about...

till later...

not much to say...

2007-08-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

in an effort to not wait an entire year before i blog again, i've committed to putting something on this thing tonight...hmmmm...i really dont have much to say...i guess i could give a run down of my day...lets see...i sat around this morning watching reruns of the oc...then went to lunch with friends from new hampshire and walked around the shops in laguna...then went grocery shopping...then went to dinner with the roomies...hahahaha...the roomies...hahahaha...i dont know why i find that funny...i just do...anyway, dinner at a japanese restaurant...it was good...then roomie meeting...prayer together and talk about what kind of bible study we want to do together...then we all cleaned up the apartment...it smells good now...thats good...then good phone call with lindsay...now i'm here....i mean, i guess there's more i could write about...but i dont know...just kinda one of those days...at least i wrote...two days in a row...woot...

again...it's been a long time...a lot has changed...

2007-08-19T19:57:00.000-07:00

ok, so here's the deal...or i guess i should say a couple of deals...first, i now live in southern california and i work at saddleback church in the high school ministry...second, two of my former students from my ministry in illinois are living with me here in laguna niguel...there is a lot i could say about these two facts...but it would literally take forever...let's just say this...a few months ago i knew god was calling me to saddleback...exciting? yes...naive about what that would look like? yes...awesome? yes...sucky sometimes? yes...gettin the picture?...life has pretty much been a rollercoaster for the past four months...not a bad rollercoaster...just a rollercoaster...the big thing i need to say about this whole thing tonight is this...god is good...sooooooo good...he is healing me...he is providing for me...he is challenging me...he is growing me...he is loving on me...he is changing me...god is good...

the next thing...austin fuller and bryce tucker...two studly fellas living with me now here in laguna...fun...sometimes crazy...fun...scary...fun...stretching...fun...again...gettin the pic?...i love these guys...and again, its another god thing...i have a huge sense of anticipation about what god has planned for this school year when these guys are growing and going and all that...

its a ride right now...

tonight i basically just wanted to put something on here...i've never been in a place where there is so much to blog about before...i've never been in a community about bloggers before...i've never been in a spiritual place where i wanna blog about the god stuff before...

so all that being said...

it's been awhile...but this time its gonna be different...

till later tonight...

(ps...i never made it to thailand...haha...zimbabwe, africa instead...haha...wow...psalm 33- "the lord thwarts the plans of the people"...hahaha...funny funny god)

back...

2006-06-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

its been a long time since i have posted on here...i was just looking at my blog last night and noticed that i said the exact same thing the last time i posted also...so ya, its been pretty busy...and honestly...it doesnt look like its gonna get any easier any time soon...i recently bought a house...there is so much i have done...but there is so much still to do...the kitchen has been a work in progress for three months so far...and i am guessing it is gonna be at least another two months before i can get to it...i've got two trips to maine coming up soon...a camping/canoeing trip i am working on...some summer concerts to plan...blah blah blah...

so i've been learning a lot lately...i am getting older...i've known that for awhile...and by older i mean that i feel i am entering the "next phase" of life...i bought my first house...i do things like landscaping and mowing...i love to be at home and do small projects...like painting a room or building something...i really enjoy a good dinner and conversation with a close friend...and traveling has become something i enjoy...just a little less often that i used to...i'm pretty sure i am getting older...

i sort of feel like i am liking it though...there is a sense of anticipation about this new phase of life...i dont really know what it is...but i am anticipating some big...good...changes...

i am going to thailand soon...cant wait for that one...that is where i am anticipating most...i know that i still love student ministry...and i can even go so far as to say that i am loving it more than ever...more balanced and more professional and more simple all at the same time...but here's the deal...i feel a change coming sometime down the road...like maybe college ministry...or missions ministry...or student ministry administration...or something...i dont know...i am sure it will be awhile...but its just kinda exciting knowing something is coming...it makes life a little more exciting...

till next time...

too much noise...

2006-02-12T18:17:00.000-08:00

why is it that i cant seem to do this blogging thing on a regular basis?...i used to...i seemed to have more time or something...i dont know...i constantly find myself feeling like i dont have time...but i know i do...i mean, i did watch several hours of the olympics yesterday...so i guess i could have done some blogging during that...i dont know...maybe its that i havent felt like i really have anything to say...i think thats it...i feel like all i do is talk...i LITERALLY lost my voice the other day...i talked too much...i need to listen more...i need peace and quiet...i need silence...i slept the other night with the tv off...i remember thinking that it was an odd silence that i liked...i used to practice silence more often...havent done that in a while...i'm not sure it has a lot to do with blogging...but maybe...

i dont move into my new house until march 10th now...bummer...we're getting lots of snow the past few days...and i would love to be on the couch in front of the wood burning fireplace in my new house...but it will be another month...i'm looking forward to it though...and the packing process can be a leisurly process...which will be nice...less stress...

i have a busy month coming up...skiing in a week...then willow creek in two weeks...middle school outting in three weeks...and then fund raising kicks in...busy busy busy...looks like blogging might continue to be a struggle...we'll see...

rain...

2006-02-02T08:16:00.000-08:00

i woke up today to rain...sometimes i love rainy days...i love them when i can lay in bed and just relax and watch movies or something...not today though...actually probably not for a few weeks...things are pretty busy at work right now...we've geared up for spring activities...and then fund raising kicks in soon for summer trips...so ya...busy time...

and then there's the personal life...as mentioned in my last post, i've finally bought a house...its my first so it has been a pretty different experience for me...really stressful...not so much for any reason except just accepting that feeling that i am laying down some roots...i still insist that these arent necessarily permenant roots...not forever...but instead just some roots that will last for awhile...the actual process of getting the house, though, was not stressful at all...it took less than 10 hours...seriously...it went on the market on wed...i looked at it thur at 11 am...and signed a contract at 9 pm...so now its just a waiting period with the inspection and appraisal and closing and all...all the stuff i have no idea about and to be honest i dont want to know anything about...

so the packing begins tomorrow...i think i have about three weeks before i move in...but i am excited and i want to get started purging before i move in...i dont want to move in a bunch of junk in a new house...so i'm throwing stuff out as i pack...you know...so i'm working on some pics i took yesterday...people still live there now...so its all their furniture...but it will give an idea...hopefully post soon...

later...

been while...

2006-01-29T13:30:00.000-08:00

so its been awhile...as pointed out by lindsay on the tag board...(lindsay is my one lone reader...its why i like her)...and i've bought a house...also pointed out by lindsay on the tag board...oh wow...just noticed the time...gotta meeting...more later...

recovering...

2006-01-18T09:50:00.000-08:00

well, its been an interesting transition back to work and home after coming home from cali...i feel like i've told this story a million times, but anyway, my laptop and ipod were stolen the morning after i got home out of my office...that has been really stressful and a total bummer to deal with...it affected me a lot more than i thought it was going to...and it has stressed me out with the whole school thing...oh well...stress is nothing new...

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to have a normal job...i know that it would be not fun to have a job at like a fast food restaurant or something...but there is something that sounds so attractive about that to me...i think its the idea that when you clock out your work is done...you actually "OFF"...i cant tell you the last time i felt like i was really "OFF"...when i was in cali i was having the total guilties the day i went to the beach...i'm wacked...i was feeling "i should be at work"...i need therapy...haha...total ego work-a-holic...

so anyway...now i am using the powerbook...which i love...dont mind that at all...just miss all the info that i lost in my computer...anyway...now i'm in the market again...and i guess i'll be getting a new video ipod...which is a really cool idea...and i dont know what i will get for a computer...we'll see...we've been waiting a few days to see if it might show up or something...i am totally sure its not going to...but you never know...if whoever stole it is reading this...please give it back...please...you have no idea what you really took from me...so much more than just a computer...

ya, that will work...right...ok, well, gotta get back to work...till next time...

almost over...

2006-01-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wonder why i do the things i do...i mean, think about it...why am i doing this program?...really...why?...is there really any benefit to me getting this master's degree?...i know there is benefit to education...i know that all the research says that more education equals more pay and better job security...but in my current situation...i am having a really hard time figuring out how things will be any different for me once i get done with this degree...and i am totally not enjoying it right now...its boring stuff that seems (at the moment) completely irrelevant...now i am the first to admit that not everything important seems to at the initial moments...but seriously, i've thought this through...its irrelevant...

maybe i'll take lindsays approach...go somewhere else...i like that approach...proactive...spontaneous...goal directed...i get it...maybe...but it is so cal...and in a couple more days i will actually get to enjoy that for a couple of days...but of course the weather is turning and they are expecting things to get cooler and maybe some rain over the weekend...of course...seriously, that is what has happened every time i have been out here for this program...beautiful while in class...rain while out...it sucks...

i slept really good last night...finally...lots of dreams...good dreams...i know that much...i just cant remember them...ok...well, i better start paying attention in class...haha...i'm the only one typing on my laptop...probably looks kinda suspicious...haha...till next time...

the weekend...

2006-01-07T17:46:00.000-08:00

its finally the weekend for me...i spent an eternity in class yesterday...8am-9:30pm...and it literally felt like an eternity...during the 6-9:30 seection we didnt even take a break...who does that?...what college educated professor would ever dream of trying to keep students' attention for 3 1/2 hours?...it was bad...thats all i can say about that...

today was better though...it was 78 degrees and really beautiful...at lunch i took my book and went to a park down the street to read in the sun...it was good to get away from everyone and everything and just be alone for awhile...tonight i'm plannin on staying in the room, ordering room service, and watching tv till i fall asleep...i get to sleep in tomorrow morning...cant wait for that...its been an early 6 am every morning since i got here...

today's class was kinda interesting...suprisingly...we had an author, tim riter, that came and did a workshop for us about being published...it was kinda cool cause i have thought for a long time that i would like to write a book someday...as soon as i think that though, i kinda talk myself out of it...today was good because it helped me realize that i probably could do this someday...i really think i could do it...and i have a thousand ideas...i just need to narrow it down and make myself do it...

well...thats about it for now...i'm nervous about not being at church tomorrow for fusion...i know trevor is going to do really well...and i know that god will provide and protect...when i stop and think about it i guess i really dont have any reason to be nervous about it...i need to pray more i've decided...(sorry, i know that was random)...i think thats such a "duh" statement...but as i think about it...if you were a fly on the wall and observed my life anonymously i cant say with confidence that you would know for sure that God is my best friend...and i want that to be the case...

i'm rambling now...time to go...

first day and a half...

2006-01-06T12:44:00.000-08:00

im in cali again...and as usual, i love it...i am here for school this time, and it is especially hard to stay focused on that fact...right now i am at the pool at the hotel enjoying the 89 degree bright sunny weather...i'm on lunch break and getting ready to head back...today is a long day...8 am-9pm...with a lunch and dinner break...its gonna be a long afternoon and evening with this beautiful weather...i keep finding myself fantasizing about ways to fake a sickness or something...anything to just get to be outside...its intense...

its only my second day here and i have to say that it has a different feel to it...i'm more content this time to just be in the hotel reading, or watching some tv instead of trapsing all over so cal...although dinner in laguna beach was good last night...sometimes...actually everytime...when i come out here i want to stay...there is some unexplainable connection that i have to this area...i dont know what it is...except that there seems to be so much energy and excitement here...i know there's the whole "grass is always greener" thing to consider...but it is undeniable that life is different here from the midwest...and especially mt vernon...movement, energy, and life...thats how i describe it...and sun...lots of sun...i love that...

well...i have to head back to class now...blah...oh well...more sun tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day...hahaha...

a pretty good christmas...

2005-12-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

christmas is over...and i have to say it was just a pretty good one...not a great one...not a horrible one...just not really of noteable greatness...good times with family...good church...good gifts...it was hard to get into the christmas spirit this year i think...today, it is literally 50 degrees outside...no snow...not even really cold...just grey and rainy...and that makes it hard to get excited about christmas...oh well...not the end of the world...

i have one week until i leave for california again...school...well...lets just say this...its not going well...i think i am just going to be taking these classes as "audits" this time...i didnt do well last semester at all...and i really need to talk to my professor about that...so theres that...and i dont know really what to do about it...i guess i will just go and see what happens...maybe i will just do it all and go from there...

i have to admit i am not really looking forward to leaving...i feel like i have one week between now and then to get everything set into place in order to be organized and ready for another semester of youth ministry...woot...cant wait...can you feel the sarcasm?...its tough right now...i'm gonna try to just keep plugging on...but i have to admit...its tough...i just dont want to make decisions that are rash because of a mood or just a time of transition...so i am moving really slowly...and while that is frustrating and makes me kinda crazy i think it is good...

looking forward to a new year...it holds lots of change...and for that i am excited

africa...again...

2005-12-14T19:18:00.000-08:00

i got to hear Titus Khamala of Kenya, Africa tonight...he came to d-group to talk to the hs kids about african issues...he talked about the aids crisis, poverty, the need for clean water, and evangelism...it was so great to hear his stories...one of the most important things that i think i heard, though, was that he encouraged us, as americans, to be more thankful people...he talked about how we can just go to the refrigerator and get a glass of water...without even thinking about it...and how getting clean water is a huge chore for african people...

wow...i dont think i am making any sense right now...ok...so heres the deal...i keep finding myself revisiting africa...i keep wanting to know more...i keep seeing it on tv...i keep hearing about it...and the more i hear about it the more i want to go there...i have no idea what i would do there...i have no idea what i would do there...i have no idea about any of it...i just wanna go...thats it...and really when i think about it...its kinda like i wanna move there...i want to wake up each day and just be with people...and help people...and not have to go to "work" or worry about any of that stuff...i guess its kinda like this...i want the simplicity that comes with it...and i want the struggle that comes with it...i dont have much of those things...my life is not really very simple...i make it very complicated...and its certainly not much of a struggle...i have a lot...and i keep getting more...food whenever i want...all kinds of electronics...blah blah blah...not a whole lot of struggle...

i want to live the life that i was meant to live...its like the subtitle of this blog...someone who wants to be more...and i think that the life i was meant to live would look more like christ's...more focused on people...those suffering...instead of on myself so much...and i think that i might need something as severe as africa to get me to that point...to wake me up...to force me to look beyond myself...

this is not where i thought this post would go...interesting...

2005-12-11T20:28:00.000-08:00

a good cup of coffee...

tonight was a good night to just chill at home...i fixed a pot of coffee...one of my favorite things to do...and just chilled watchin tv and blogging...i've discovered the message boards on relevantmagazine.com...really cool stuff...there are a ton of people just communicating and sharing thoughts on so many life issues...i posted my first one tonight...it was about my experience at Riverdance last night...

speaking of...wow...stinkin awesome...i have never seen anything like it...anything so perfect...it was truly awesome...i wrote on relevant about how it was actually a kind of spiritual experience...i mean, i read all these books and articles about experiencing god in the beauty of the earth and in just the everyday life...and sometimes i can connect with that...but other times i cant...i mean, i can connect with bible reading, worship, prayer...all the churchy stuff that i've been a part of for 30 years...but experiencing god in other "non-churchy" things is a new thought for me...but rob bell says its the way its supposed to be...so i try...haha...

last night i experienced god in the beauty of the riverdance...hahahahahahahahha...i really dont think i have ever said anything cornier...haha...but seriously...i was so awestruck...and i seriously found myself thanking god for it...i found myself (in a wierd sense) worshipping at riverdance...communicating with god...responding to the beauty he had put before me...and it was good...good growth...

till next time...

world aids days...

2005-12-01T09:16:00.000-08:00

here are some stats that i have come across today as i've been aware that today is world aids day...

TODAY 40,000,000 people are living with aids
as of TODAY 20,000,000 people have died of aids
500,000 children were diagnosed with aids in 2005
3,000,000 people were diagnosed with aids in 2005
the aids crisi in sub-saharan africa is the worst crisis the world has ever seen...worse than the holocaust...worse than any hurricane...worse than war
in sub-saharan africa, there is a 50/50 chance that babies will be born with aids...1 out of every 2

so these stats aren't new to me today...i've heard them before...and i guess there's nothing special about today...except that the world is willing to pay attention today...the president speaks on tv today about the aids crisis...today is a day to AT THE VERY LEAST think about those victims...today is a day to do something...

i'm one of those people that connects with this...i connect emotionally...i connect in a sense that i want to do something...i connect in a sense that i dont want to be someone who does nothing...someone who just does through life consuming while others are dying...i connect in a sense that i am willing to financially committ...

but i still feel like i need to do more...i need to spiritually connect...i have worked hard to politically, financially, and emotionally connect...but today i realize that i have not spiritually connected...i have not prayed...i have not spoken enough in spiritually settings...

today i pray for victims of aids...i pray for all of sub-saharan africa...i pray for these helpless children...i pray for relief...i pray in faith that my God hears and cares...i pray in faith that my God is bigger than 40,000,000 victims... i pray in faith that my God, in his everlasting goodness, will help us all understand and care...

today...all day...i will pray

been a long time...

2005-11-28T15:32:00.000-08:00

ok, lindsay...i know its been a long time since i have posted on here...lot has happened...too much to really talk about actually...lots of change...lots of fun...lots of chaos...just lots...thanksgiving was good...not awesome...just good...my brother and his family were here...had a good time with friends that were in town for the holiday...good to see people i havent seen in a long time...totally not ready for christmas yet though...need some snow to get in the mindset...

so the national youth workers convention was awesome this year again...totally different feel than last year...i missed brandon a lot while i was there...i was just reminded so much of all the fun we had last year in atlanta...dont get me wrong...this year was awesome too...good concerts...good speakers...good time to get away...so all in all...great!...i think my most favorite part was louie giglio's message...it was on the subject of worship...and it can be summed up in one of the statements he made..."some of us in this room are going to be the most disappointed when we face Jesus"...the point he was making was that ministry staff people...staff and volunteer...tend to boil the point of chrisitanity down to the work of the ministry...instead of worshipping god...he talked at length about "the look"...he talked about how when someone has had an encouter with god you can see it in their eyes...they've got "the look"...and how so many youth workers dont have the look...it was something that hit home with me...it was a chance for me to look inward and reflect...and i love those minutes...nywc will be a yearly calendar event for me fo sho...

so i am back to blogging...and i am glad about this...i start counseling again this week...i'm glad about this as well...miss it..

until next time...which wont be long...

2005-08-24T19:24:00.000-07:00

i got a peaceful, easy feelin...

it has been a good day...as you can tell, i havent had much time to blog lately...i've been a little busy totally having my life flipped upside down...ok, well...maybe thats a little dramatic...but i have had quite a period of unsettling lately...lots of good kids i've been mentoring for years leaving for college...friends moving out of town...computers crashing...a girl in and out of the picture quicker than i can say "crap"...again...haha...my worship leader has resigned...hired a new worship leader...ok enough...you get the picture...very unsettling...

so today was the first day in a long time that i have felt in control of my life...i had a really good day as far as finally getting some work done...i got some new things rolling...had a very productive, positive meeting...got rid of some responsibilities that were weighing me down...all in all a peaceful day...

so you'll notice that i am mentioning "new computer" a lot on here lately...i recently purchased a 12" powerbook...freakin awesome...love it...so portable and seriously user-friendly...cant wait to get some time to just get away and learn some more with it...i also got a new dell this week...my work computer died...and when i say "died" i mean kapoot...dead as a doornail...bit the dust...kicked the bucket...again...you get the picture...ok...so 3 service calls later and 3 motherboards later...a new 17" widescreen dell...fully loaded...freakin awesome too...even if it is the size of a small house...HUGE...love it though since i have the powerbook to tote around easily...everything is finally getting transfered over and its all coming back together after 3 weeks...literally...of total chaos...peaceful

i have been praying for so many people lately...thats good...i want to become a pray-er...in private...not in prayer meetings...not in public...but i want to be someone that quietly petitions God on behalf of others...and i have been...peaceful...

i need another day like this tomorrow...

2005-08-08T06:45:00.000-07:00

new computer...
i just realized last night that I haven't posted on here in quite a while...today i am doing this on my new mac powerbook g4...i'm really liking it...i got the 12" model but i beefed it up quite a bit, so it is very compact and still very powerful...much like myself...hahaha...

things have been a little crazy around here...like i said in the last post, the mission trip with the kids was really great...there is a great momentum and motivation amongst the students right now that i am having a hard time keeping up with...haha...i turned 30 last week...i feel every bit of 30 these days...anyway, so i now have a great group of kids that are geared up and ready to go for another school year...and i really think that it is, for he most part, pretty real...not just emotion...i mean, we're a month back home now and they're still staying committed and leading...thats cool to see...an answered prayer...

i am struggling a little right now with the idea of all these kids that i have mentored for so long leaving for college...i had a great small group meeting last night with a few of them...pretty emotional...i love those kids so much and i have such high hopes for their lives...and i know that they are going to be fine...but much like a parent, i think, i am really excited and worried all at the same time for them...and i am scared myself of what is next for me...it has been 5 years of pouring into them...and now they are leaving...big change for me...it helps HUGE that there are young kids coming up with contagious excitement...it's helping me adjust to the idea of this coming shift...

travis, my man...i love ya and i know you'll make us all proud...be smart...do right...and come home often...lots of love...

2005-07-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

summer sun...

wow! its hot...i went golfing this morning...18 holes...started at 7:30 so we could be done before it gets into the really hot part of the day...we were only going to play 9 holes...then someone said "lets just play another 9"...what in the heck were we thinking...it seriously was so freakin hot out there...i found shade at every opportunity...

i went to see a movie last night...island...it was really good...definitely made you think...there was one part in particular where ewan mcgregor...the main character...has a conversation with his doctor about how he thinks there has got to be more to life then simply waiting to get called to go to the island...he feels like each day should hold more value than just another day to wait...i found this to be a profound moment in the movie...of course there were all kinds of other issues...cloning...death...etc etc etc...but this is the one thing that really struck me in the movie...in fact, i found myself thinking about it for the rest of the show...i thought about how earlier that day i had taken a two hour nap on my couch and watched a few hours of tv...about how i couldnt wait to have a day off the today in order to lounge around and be lazy...i dont get those chances very often...but when i do, i really look forward to them...but i found myself wondering why i dont look more forward to those times when i get to really experience life...moments when i am going to be in the presence of great people...moments when i am going to see something beautiful...moments when i am going to be challenged to rise to the occassion...those are life moments...but so often i look forward to the moments when i can escape life...i wonder if i would appreciate life more if it were something i didnt have so much control over...

a friend once gave me a magnet for my refrigerator that says...may you live all the days of your life...thats where i'm at today...

2005-07-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

lance...awesome...

i havent watched a lot of the tour de france this year...mostly because i havent been home to watch much tv at all...but i have picked up a paper or two here and there to check in and see what is happening...lance armstrong is the man...i'm watching oln network now and they are reporting that he is still over a minute ahead of the pack...and if he wins this will be his 7th win in a row...that's impressive...

i dont know a lot about lance armstrong...i've seen a couple of interviews and read some articles...i have the distinct feeling from the little in know that he is not a christian...but there is something really impressive about this guy...he is much older than a lot of the rest of the pack...he has had some serious health problems...he has remarried...and i am sure much more has gone on in his life...but here is the impressive thing...in spite of all those difficult circumstances...in spite of all that opposition...in spite of all the reasons to give up...lance armstrong has charged on...he has improved...its extremely impressive to me that lance armstrong has that kind of focus and determination...

sometimes i wonder how much i let my circumstances dictate my relationship with god...i mean, usually when things are going well...then i am able to worship, pray, and serve god in a positive way...but when things...circumstances of life...are off...when my life isnt going well or the way i want it to go...then i struggle...i still find myself praying...i still try to worship with my life and serve...but when my circumstances are bad then i feel like my life is bad...i lost focus on the future...i lose focus on my blessings...and i lose my sense of anticipation of what great things god is trying to do in my life...

i wannabe more like lance armstrong...(that sounds hilarious...haha)...i wanna have that focus...so much so that nothing...absolutely nothing...will stop me from winning...i think i need to train more...

2005-07-20T16:38:00.000-07:00

back in the vern...
well, i'm back in the vern now, and i've spent the past few days trying to get back in the swing of things...it hasn't been easy...i've thought a lot about posting on here, but every chance i get i instead lay down and fall asleep...i dont think i have every been this tired after one of our mission trips or summer events...i didn't take a day off after we got back...went right back to work on monday...i thought it would be a good idea since so many of the volunteers had to do the same...wish i had some time to take off later this week, though...really really tired...

mission concord was really good...i really think the kids had a great experience...several kids really suprised me...bryce wants to be baptized...nick was a vocal leader...lindsay...wow...i am so proud of her...totally threw her plans for college to the wind in order to follow jesus to christian college...awesome...there are a lot more stories...cant share them all...just a really great week...there were, as is to be expected, some frustrations as well...but who needs to focus on those, right?...

seriously, i would say that i am totally under attack right now...i feel like i am being nailed by satan...total negative attitude...others attacking me...tiredness...lack of vision...fear...apathy...fear...anger...fear...and MORE FEAR...the more i think about it the more sure i am that i am being attacked...i need to do what i know i need to do...retreat to the garden and be alone with god...gotta get some time later this week...huge need...

2005-07-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

mission concord...

still here in new hampshire...the week has been good on so many levels...it's another year of workcamp...not unlike many others really...which isn't bad (like it might sound) since workcamp is always so good...the kids are busting their rears...everyone tells me our kids are "such hard workers"...they're worshipping in the evenings...they're leading...its all good...really its what i expected it would be for them...

there are some frustrations...boys and girls are at two different schools...which makes for transportation issues...minor frustrations with normal workcamp stuff...nothing new...i am not on a crew this year...bummer big time...i'm on the video crew...thought it would be really cool at first...and it was...i did that because i needed some time to work on some school stuff...althought i havent really found that time either...what was i thinking???...of course i wouldnt have time...oh well...so anyway, i would rather have been on a work crew if i knew i wasn't going to have time for school...i am having the guilties cause the kids are working so hard and i feel like i'm being a total slacker for not doing it...i guess video is important...whatever...haha...

so one more day...they're gonna wrap up most sites today...then we will finish off everything else tomorrow morning...then off to hampton beach...

on saturday...boston...good times...planning to go to the old globe bookstore...where thoreau and hawthorne first began writing books...cant wait...also going to the top of the prudential center and shopping in quincy market downtown...good times...the kids should have a blast...

all in all...AWESOME WEEK!!!...but i cant wait to get home...

2005-07-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

4th of july...

it was a very quiet independence day celebration for me...love it!...i slept in...read a book...watched a movie...took a nap...had breakfast for dinner (one of my favorite things to do on my days off)...and literally didnt leave my house all day...didnt even shower or shave!...so thats kinda gross, but sometimes you gotta just veg...and that was my day...

today its back to work...we leave for our mission trip (mission concord) on saturday...very early in the morning...i'm very excited...i get to see my friends john and stefanie...i am on the video crew this year instead of on a work crew...so that will be a new twist on the experience for me...i am hoping to get some time to work on school stuff as well...somehow i doubt that will happen...but one can always hope...

this week will be very busy preparing for this mission trip...one of the things i have been trying to grow in...it seems to elementary, but its something that i still havent mastered...haha...big suprise...but this is it...i want to stay consistent in my personal, alone time with god this week...in the midst of all the business, i often let that go to the wayside...and this week...especially this week...i want to see some progress there...i want to make sure i am getting my (at least) one hour with god...so thats it...

prayers are appreciated this week...

2005-07-04T16:04:00.000-07:00

my ciy experience...
i hadn't taken time to write about my ciy experience on here yet...i had been waiting awhile...it wasn't the greatest experience...and i wanted to make sure that i was objective about it before i put it out to the whole world...everyone keeps asking me if i did a good job...i havent figured out how to answer that...i think i did alright...i think i communicated clearly...and i think the message i was presented was understood...so all in all i would say i think a good job...although the message i was presenting was not an easy one to do...really nailed the kids on "worldliness" and "materialism"...it was not an easy message to present or to receive i imagine...

the negative part of the experience, though, had more to do with the dynamics of speaking at an event like that...i expected that when i showed up i would kind of "be taken care of"...i thought i would have someone show me around...escort me to dinner...tell me when and where i was supposed to be...i guess what i expected was that the people at ciy would do what they could to make sure that i was ready to speak that night...not so...instead, my ride from the airport was late...they dumped me in a dorm room...didn't tell me any arrangements for dinner...didn't tell me when i was supposed to be ready to speak...blah blah blah...you get the picture...it was very unsettling...and when it came time to speak...i was a little less than spiritually prepared...lots of distractions and frustrations...not at all what i thought it was going to be like...i'll probably write a letter...

but i guess i did ok...havent heard otherwise...

2005-06-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

building my kingdom...

today was a good day...i got a lot of "busy-work" stuff done that i have been wanting to get done for awhile...i downloaded a bunch of pics from my cf cards to my computer...i worked on my website...i sent out info for mission concord...i picked up t-shirts and work on some design stuff for them...i made an audio track to accompany my ciy message...i did two more loads of laundry...i vacuumed...i did dishes...and i made taco salad...wow...now i'm tired since i see it all written down...

i am finishing up everything for my ciy speaking engagement...i'm pretty excited about it...its kind of a dream realized for me...i know it might not seem like a big deal at all to some people...but it is to me...conference speaking is something i have been thinking about and praying about for some time now...and now i get a chance to do it...i spent some time praying today...one of the big things that i am going to be hitting is materialism...the rich young ruler story...i guess one of the things that i am going to be hitting hardest is the "ruler" part of that story...i am going to be talking about how so many times we are trying to build our kingdoms...instead of being a servant in god's kingdom...i had some good prayer time today where god was speaking to me directly about my own actions in this...how i am building my own kingdom...and how so many of my decisions are not based on serving god...but instead on how i can strengthen and further my own influence...

i love it when i am preparing for a message and god speaks to me...when i grow as a result of my preparations to help others grow...i hope this continues to happen...

2005-06-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

the woman at the well...

today was another great day at fusion...we're still in our series "defining moments"...we're looking at biblical examples of people who have had defining moments and how they handled them...i have felt since this series began that it had potential for really great things in our kids lives...i don't really know why...i just know that as i research and study for each message i feel god working in my own life...i feel like he is making things clearer and clearer to me about so many things...about who he is...about who he wants me to be...about how to reach the kids...about who he wants them to be...i guess what i would say is this...i feel like my leadership has been more connected to god's leading during this series...sometimes i think that i am a pretty talented person in some situations...in relationships in particular...and so then i often forget to let god lead...i lead on my own...that's what it is...i lead to often on my own...and right now i feel like i am being submissive...i am presenting god's word with more purity...and i think we're starting to see the work of the spirit in our group...good good stuff...

today was the story of the woman at the well...i learned a lot...i had always read this story with the wrong eyes...i pictured this meek woman sitting at a well...then jesus walks up...she immediately is so thankful and humble before him...and she is blessed...but as i researched...i realized that this is not at all how it happened...she was hardened...she was bitter...she was challenging...and she was anything but humble...then jesus humbled her...he broke her...probably a difficult, hurtful brokenness...but he did it anyway...and then he healed her...and she was so blown away by it all...she ran and told everyone...i talked today about how this is our response when we really believe jesus is who he says he is...we go tell...we run...we speak...loud...but not until we really believe jesus is who he says he is...

ciy was a really great week...i had a lot of fun with the kids...i loved...absolutely loved...seeing our kids break down walls and start to open up...to each other...to god...to being led...it was good...i needed it, to be honest...i sometimes get in a spot where i start to doubt...where i get frustrated...or where i just get tired...and this week was worth it all...very little frustration...saw some success with some kids...which removed doubt...and even with the lack of sleep...i was energized...

definitely tired today though...i slept for three hours this afternoon...then golfed...then sat and stared at a wall...tired...sleep...more tomorrow...

2005-06-22T14:52:00.000-07:00

still at ciy...
the week has been really good so far...the theme is "this is me"...i guess how i would explain it is this...its all about who god is...the first night was "i am love"...last night was "i am grace"...tonight is "i am here"...each day there are d-group lessons and classes that are built around this theme...and then each night there is an awesome celebration service that caps it all off...last night was great...CONFRONTATION...at the very the service began by singing "amazing grace"...then after they started the students focusing on this...they challenged them to think about what they needed that grace for...it was powerful...in our youth group time after the main session we had some very honest conversation...i think there is more to come...i think there are some that are holding back...i know that there are some that god still wants to have more of...and i'm praying for them...but overall...our group is being changed...so far, three people are wanting to be baptized...about 7 more are renewing committments to christ...and one guy...the most honest one all night, i think...said..."i hear everyone talking about being connected with god...i dont get it...but i want it"...i'm workin on that one fo sho...haha...tonight will be more i think...deeper...more real...more submission...and they love it!...which is cool...

2005-06-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

ciy, here we come...

i had a great weekend...performed jessica herzing and david rays wedding...it was a really great time...i dont typically do weddings...student ministries pastor and all...but this was really great...such an honor...got to take my friend cheryl back to the airport and have some good conversation...cheryl...from EEEEEEEngland...well, not anymore...cheryl...from CLEARRRRRRRWater...just doesn't have the same ring...anyway...thanks for the chat time, cheryl...

so we leave for ciy this morning...i'm a bit nervous...things came together way too easily...awesome group of kids...good help...i know i've said it on here before...but i am anticipating great things...i'm hoping to have access to wifi so i can update and let you all know how it is going...(you all...actually, i dont think anyone reads this...haha...oh well)...so gotta go get ready to speak at fusion and then hop on outta hea...

prayers are appreciated...prayer for me leading this group...patience, sleep, energy...all the normal leadership requirements...prayer for the kids...deeply intense god moments...that what i want for them...and stinkin awesome memories...so thanks in advance for the prayers...

2005-06-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

to answer my own question...
i've decided that mt. vernon is definitely blog-worthy...haha...i feel like its a rather unique place...i listen to people talk about the benefits of living in a more metro area...st. louis, chicago, l.a., etc...it sounds fun...but let me tell ya...there's nothin like great conversations with people you've known for years...history...it's depth...it's maturity...it's real...i think you can miss out on a lot of that in a huge metro area...mt. vernon has that for me...today was good times of connection with great friends...relationships that have history, depth, and maturity...talked to john from manchester...had coffee with cheryl from...well...from all over the freakin' world...(from EEEEENGLAND!)...reminisced with kids that have since grown up...good, good times...and in mt. vernon...

tomorrow...early to rise...fusion prep...ciy prep...wedding...airport trip...packing...and hopefully some sleep within that 24 hours...maybe...

2005-06-16T17:13:00.000-07:00

mt. vernon...blog-worthy?...

i haven't posted very much since i got back from california...i guess for a couple of reasons...i've been very very busy...i think i've talked about this before on here...but i kinda need to whine a little...haha...i have been getting ready for ciy...we leave on sunday...i'm expecting a really good time there...the 5 years that i have been in youth ministry have taught me many things...but one of those is that there are certain groupings of people...certain combinations of people...that lead to great conversations, good fun, and lots of growth...i think that is something we're gonna experience this year at ciy...the group of kids i am taking are from lots of different social groups, towns, and schools...but they all seem to be pretty pumped about going...and i think there is going to be a lot of relational things happening in this group...

wow...i really dont think i know what i am talking about here...hahaha...i'm just excited and its a great group of kids...nough said...the other reason i havent written much is this...life seems so much more exciting when i'm traveling...between california, colorado, tennessee, and new hampshire...mt. vernon has a hard time seeming "blog-worthy"...haha...dont get me wrong...it feels like home and that feels good...in fact, i had my family over for dinner tonight to celebrate an early father's day...it was awesome...wouldn't trade it for the world...good food, good coffee, and good laughs...but i dont know...just not a whole lot exciting going on here...just the normal, everyday stuff...

i'm gonna try to blog more often...even as i type this i am realizing this...maybe a sign of maturity...of spiritual maturity even...is finding the exciting and "blog-worthiness" in the everyday, mundane life of mt. vernon, illinois...

2005-06-12T05:54:00.000-07:00

defining moments...

today is gonna be an awsome day at fusion...honestly, i would say it is the most excited i've been about worship in a long time...why?...well, i don't really know...except that i would say that i have a sense of anticipation about today and this new series that we are starting...i guess because i feel like i have really been hearing god more clearly than i have in a long time...i dont really know why that is...maybe i have made more room for him...maybe he has drawn me a little closer...maybe the choices i've been making regarding temptation have cleared a path...whatever...i dont know...i just know it seems like i've gotten the red phone back...hahaha...(that was for you, cheryl...haha)...no, really, i just anticipate big big moments in fusion in the next few weeks...we're starting a new series i am calling "defining moments"...its all about those moments in time when you feel like you are on the brink...the brink of what could possibly be a life-changing decision...you're scared...you're unsure...you're feeling attacked...you know that something huge is about to happen...and you know there is the potential for greatness...i love those moments...especially when i dont screw them up...haha...i think my group needs to hear this...i think god is telling me they need to hear this...and i think he has told me what to say...that's why i'm excited...i'm in step...i'm in the zone...i'm locked and loaded...it's a defining moment for me...i'll let you know how it goes...

2005-06-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

back in mt. vernon...

i'm finally back home...good stuff...my great friends, mandy and liza, picked me up at the airport tonight...fun times...we ran into kurt warner at the airport...he was cool...i reminded him of a time a few years ago when i met him and gave him my e-mail address...i told him my whole youth group was waiting for weeks to hear from him...and he never wrote...i locked eyes with him and gave him a really guilty look...then i had to laugh...he laughed too and said he was guilty...he apologized...i told him i was kidding and we shook hands...it was cool...liza and mandy were drooling...liza even told him he was hot...haha...dinner was great with them...there's nothing like good times with old friends...our other best friend, emily, is comin to the vern in about a month...we're all so pumped about that...woo hoo...

i unpacked...and started to get my life back in order...i have a really long day ahead of me tomorrow...fusion series to get ready for...didnt have much time to plan for it this past week...so thats on the agenda tomorrow...i'm ready to get back to the grind though...till next time...

2005-06-09T23:39:00.000-07:00

classes over, a little relaxation...

today was the last day of class...this morning we covered the lord's supper as a sacrament...iteresting stuff...stuff to make you think...just not tonight...i dont have another ounce of academia in me...not one more ounce tonight...after class i came back to the hotel and went to the pool...unfirtunately the cloud cover never burned off and it was kinda cool...i finished my second book...a new author for me to read up on...stephen white..."the program"...great novel...i also read "rage" by jonathan kellerman while i was here...i love getting out of town if for no other reason than i get time to read...i love reading...good novels are the best...i'm going to try to make a regular practice of it more often at home...so after the book was completed i headed to dana point for dinner...its a place on the harbor i try to go to every time i am here...harpoon henry's...good shrimp...then to diedrich coffee...my favorite place in so cal...right across from main beach in laguna...got a decaf mocha and read some stuff for my ciy message...the lost message of jesus...not a real fun read...but good info that i am hoping i can integrate into my info for ciy...so its bedtime now...i cant wait to get home tomorrow night...do some laundry...sleep in my own bed...fix some real food...just be at home...and oliver...awesome...i really really cant wait...but its only for a week...then its back on the road...see ya in the vern...

2005-06-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

tired and ready to go home...
its wednesday night...i've been here in so cal for 8 days now...2 more to go...it has been a good week...good info in classes...good times with classmates...good sun...good pool at the hotel...good sleep...good books...nothing really bad...sure, i wish i would have gotten some more work done...but after 8-12 hours of class everyday...lectures...reading...typing...discussing...learning...i just didnt have much energy in the evenings to get much of anything else done...tomorrow night before i head home i will be putting the finishing touches on the fusion message for this weekend...then i need to tackle my ciy message...i've been researching for it periodically...and i've started generating ideas...lots of flow happening...its time to make it concrete though...definitely time to do that...then i get to work on the ciy adult discipleship class i will be teaching this year...then i get to work on all the little minor details for taking my group to ciy and our mission trip...then i actually have to go on the trips...then...wow...ya, tonight...sleep...i'll tackle it all tomorrow...definitely ready to get home...definitely

2005-06-07T19:25:00.000-07:00

the christian mission...

today we started a section of coursework called "missiology"...the study of the christian mission...not anything earth-shattering...but there was one section of the study that i found particularly interesting...did you know that this idea of going across the world to do mission work is really only about 200 years old?...i mean, when you stop to think about it, it makes sense...travel would be difficult...money would be an issue...and so on...but here's the real deal...most mission organizations use the matthew 28 passage that says "go and make disciples" as their foundation...they...and to be honest, me in the past...see the word "go" as the key word in this passage...we read it and feel like god is saying "hop on a plane...go to africa...and help people like the kid in this picture...and do it now"...at least i do sometimes...and i suspect that it is the misunderstanding of many mission organizations as well...

today in class, we had a presentation by doug preist...president of christian missionary foundation...the interesting thing he told us today, though, was that the above understanding of this scripture was incorrect...he stated that a more correct interpretation of the original text was "as you go through your life, make disciples"...he suggested that making disciples was the key part of the passage...not necessarily the going...he suggested that going was only part of the disciple-making process...along with baptizing and teaching...and going across sea or to another country or to another state...that was something that only some would be created to do...others would be created to make disciples as they go through med school and set up practice in iowa...other would be called to make disciples as they go about fixing cars at their auto repair shop in florida...and so on...

so i guess that's not the most "wowing" learning experience...but it was kinda important...i remember watching slide shows of visiting missionaries as they came home for r & r times...they usually stayed at our house for at least overnight since my dad was a minister...and i remember conversations over pizza after the sunday night missionary presentation...i remember being fascinated by their experiences...and frustrated by their intrusion into our home all at the same time...(even as i say that, i'm ashamed of it)...but most of all, i rememeber feeling guilty...i just remember feeling like i was a bad person because i wasn't going to go to africa or india or papua, new guinea after college...and i cant say that this new teaching today has really changed a whole lot of that...i dont know...

i remember hearing about the situation in sudan, africa a few years ago...my reaction was total shock...i could not believe that i had never heard anything about this horrible attrocity that was so real...i couldnt believe that i hadnt heard about the huge measures that our country wasnt taking to help...i couldnt believe that i hadnt heard a sermon on it...and as i researched...i became more and more offended and hurt and confused...but something else happened too...i felt like i needed to do something...and that excited me...and it still does...

so wow...that was a really long stream-of-consciousness thoughts...and all that to say this...i dont think there's a need for guilty feelings...as long as we are making disciples as we go...as we go through our lives...and i'm gonna go to help with the situation in sudan...

2005-06-06T12:14:00.001-07:00

the dream center...

as part of our coursework and on-campus portion of this block of classes, we went to the dream center in l.a. yesterday...i didnt write about it yesterday because i wasnt sure exactly what i wanted to write...so i waited until today...and i'm still not sure if i really know what to write...i guess i would just say it was a powerful experience...so let me take a minute to explain a little about it for those of you who, like me about 2 months ago, had never heard of the dream center...

the dream center is a ministry in downtown los angeles that has many facets...it was started by a man named matthew barnett...dont know much about him...except that lately he has been written about in about every leadership magazine i have read...he's a pretty dynamic leader that has put together a team that, i would say, breaks all the rules...not very professional...not very polished...not very well-spoken...but quite obviously a thriving, powerful, blessed team of leaders that are leading this ministry...so here's what it is...at least some of it...they bought an old, abandoned hospital many years ago...housed there are several ministries...homeless youth shelter...youth addiciton recovery programs...adult addiction recovery programs...soup kitchen...second hand clothing store...food pantry...filipino homeless ministry...japanese ministries of all sorts...russian ministries...and on and on and on...seriously...

so yesterday was their worship service that we attended...there were about 1000 or so people there...and it happened to be the graduation service for their addiciton recovery program...for me...an eye opening experience...it reminded me of the stuff jim cymbala talks about in his books, pastor of the brooklyn tabernacle...lots and lots and lots of broken people...and that was the culture...exactly how i would describe it...a culture of brokenness...obvious prostitutes in the audience...cheering for the former prostitutes that were graduating...obvious pimps in the audience...why?...i dont know...really...havent figured that one out...but they were there...former pimps graduating from the program...a former pastor graduating from the program...he was addicted to porn and gambling...lots and lots of former drug addicts graduating...thieves...people with violent backgrounds...you name it...it was probably there...even a former cross dresser....graduating from an addicition to sex and abuse...he had the best line in his testimony..."i used to be a queen...a flaming queen...i'm thinking of writing a book now...i'm gonna call it 'from queen to the king'"...it was hilarious...but that wasn't all...in the mix of all of this was the "normal"...(actually, i think normal to them was prostitute and drug addict and queen...so we were probably the abnormal)...business people...parents...young mothers...families...worshipping...great worship...right next to...in front of...behind...around...these shattered ones...and seriously, seriously celebrating their recovery...

so needless to say...it was quite an experience...one that i will never forget....what will i do with it?...i dont know...thats kinda why i was waiting to write about it...but i still dont know...

2005-06-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

what is the church...really...

this is the question we have been quarreling with all morning in class...wish i had something really profound to say...we've talked about the church as a body of believers...we've talked about how this body is supposed to relate and operate...we've talked about the work of the spirit in the church...we've talked about...get the picture?...we're doing a lot of talking...i guess what i would say about the whole thing is this...i am surprised by some of the things i am finding out i am doing right...i mean, i've known for a few years now that the typical way of doing church that i see so often...well, i just dont get it...and i definitely have felt (and i use that word with intention) that something is wrong...but i havent been able to put legs on it...and i dont really think that i still am able to do that adequately yet...but here's what i know...i have developed a vision for what i think my ministry should look like...and it includes many parts...but at the core of it is this...sunday mornings arent about us...they arent about getting...not even getting refueled...it should be about giving...giving reports from the field...giving advice and encouragement to those peers in the field...giving resources for the work being done in the field...giving praise to the lord...

i dont know...like i said...not totally developed...but i've kinda had this thing going on in the back of my head that says...dont disrupt...dont upset...dont challenge...dont....and inside there's this other voice saying...go...get out of here...and we'll see ya back next sunday for a full report of your work in the field...get back to work now...and we'll party again next sunday...go...go...go...get to work...

hmmm...even as i type that i think there are holes in it...but i feel it...a gathering of workers...celebrating/partying after a long week's work...

ok, well...so this book i just started reading...i havent gotten far...the lost message of jesus...but i sense it will help me develop this vision...i'll let you know...

2005-06-02T22:47:00.000-07:00

updating the blog...
i've been working on this site tonight...its really pretty fun...and suprisingly relaxing...wish i had more time to do this when i'm at home...i find it kinda like a learning experience...

"the map" verse on the right here...love that one...its one that most christ-followers have heard a million times...so many deep truths in this verse...i dont wanna lose those in the frequency of its usage...truths like the fact that i am part of something so much bigger than right here right now...truth like the fact that sin entangles...truth like the fact that the race takes endurance...truth like the fact that my faith depends on jesus...totally depends on jesus...not on me...on jesus...

good truths...great to be reminded of them...

2005-06-02T17:39:00.000-07:00

reaching your world for christ...

we oficially started our coursework today...there are four separate sections meeting right now for our summer blocks...and mine is entitled "reaching your world for christ"...at the introduction/orientation meeting this morning we were given the gift of a stack of books that go along with our sections...i have to admit...i was somewhat jealous of the books that one of the other sections was receiving...things like "worship evangelism" and "the emerging church"...lots of emergent stuff...that section is called "the bible and culture"...i guess my books will be good too...even though i haven't heard of a lot of them..."missions and the third millenium", "the younger evangelicals: facing the challenges of the new world", "paul's idea of community", and "changing the mind of missions"...among others...we'll see...

so today was good though. we had a guest presenter named dave thompson from harvest evangelism...told great stories about the importance of prayer in evangelism...shared really cool stories of awesome things happening in hawaii and argentina through evangelistic efforts begun with prayer...he also talked about the importance of praying for peace for others...underscored it with scripture...talked about how peace confuses the enemy...and how through our prayers of peace for others we can then have opportunity to share christ with them...good stuff...some of my classmates seemed to connect with the presenter and the info more than i think i did...i mean, it was good...but i kinda found myself watching my clock and losing focus at times...and then at the end of the day one lady was actually crying about how great she thought the stuff was...i definitely didnt connect that way...oh well...still good stuff...

tomorrow...barry mcmurtrie of crossroads christian church in corona, ca...gonna talk about church growth stuff...possibly some good stuff in that for me...apparently he is going to share some insight on typical stages of growth...difficulties at different stages of growth...and some of that stuff...he's a typical type a/ocd type...right down my alley...

tonight...reading, tv, and sleep...lots and lots of sleep

2005-06-01T11:40:00.000-07:00

back to the books...

ok...so this is the second time i have written this post. i truly hate it when this happens...i write something that feels good and right...and then for some crazy reason...a reason that i dont understand but makes me want to launch my laptop into the next county...it gets lost and is just gone all the sudden. love it...really really love it! aaaahhhhh

I was just explaining that I am here in CA starting classes again at Hope International University. The last semester was a little rough...tough to get back into the swing of things with studying. Didn't do a great job of making reading and school work a priority. Gonna be different this time. I hope...

I was also explaining the title of the new blog. I have decided I am a wannabe. I know that initially probably conjurs up some negative images. It's never a good thing to be a wannabe...right? Well, I've decided that I will probably be a wannabe for my whole life. Right now I definitely am...I wanna be a person of faith...a real person of faith...not a person of religion...not a rejector of religion...not a spiritual fluffer...not an inconsistent, schizophrenic "Christian"...just a person of faith...someone who knows what he believes...someone who is moved to action by those beliefs...someone whose actions are consistent because his beliefs are consistent....someone who is consistently active. Probably not something I will ever fully attain in this life...probably gonna be that wannabe my whole life.

Also, I wonder a lot...I wonder about what it would be like to be poor...I wonder what it would be like to live in Sudan...I wonder what it would be like to be rich...I wonder what it would be like to be married...I wonder what it would be like to have kids...I wonder what it would be like to die...I wonder...about a lot of things...I just wonder a lot.

There it is...a wannabe's wonderings...guess we'll see what it becomes.

2005-05-31T21:53:00.000-07:00

dinner with alien ant farm...whuda thunk...

So you might be wondering why the "Alien Ant Farm" logo is the header for this post. Well, let me tell ya. I got the chance to go to dinner last night with one of my very best friends in the whole world. My friend Emily Klingensmith (formerly known as Em Frazier...among other things...haha) was in So Cal for Memorial Day weekend festivities. I happened to hear that and called her up to arrange some fun times. We met last night in San Clemente at the Fisherman's Bar and Grill on the beach. Emily told me that there were going to be a few people there that were friends of she and her husband from Sacramento. She failed to mention, though, that I would be dining with someone famous (that may be a little bit of a stretch...haha). So I walk in and greet everyone...some of the coolest people I've met in a long time by the way...and then began to chat it up with Vincent. Vincent was ready for me...he had a line for everything...like when he asked me if I rememebered the time we ate strawberry shortcake in the 6th grade. It's a really long story. You kinda had to be there. Anyway, he was hilarious! Stinkin funny, and Vincent, combined with Rebekah, Victor, and Emily and John made for a really memorable night. Emily and I got some time by ourselves to just talk and re-connect. That rocked. She helps me. I miss that...need more people like her in my life...people who are other-centered and so deeply caring.

So back to Alien Ant Farm. As the night went on...and as Vincent and I chatted it up...eventually Emily mentions to me that Vincent used to be the lead guitar player for Alien Ant Farm!! He toured on their last world tour, and then he left the band like a year ago to be with another band...Action Heros. Whuda thunk?! We talked about the tour, the band, their cover of "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson. Remember that from a couple of years ago? I did. It was just cool to be there. Good adult time...something else I could use more of in my life.

So good times. Today was spent by the pool. Sun, Sun, Sun. It was overcast when I woke up, so I went back to bed, then got up and worked on the blog a little. I'm trying to post it on my website...but haven't figured out how to do that. Also wanted to do some other color changes. Never happened though. Oh well. It was a lazy day full of sleep, reading, and sun. A good one...and honestly...one that as the day went on...I was kinda thinking I deserved. It was good. No guilties for not being at work...unusual for me.

Well, that's it for now. I'm at Barnes and Noble now and getting ready to go to see Star Wars. Haven't been to a movie by myself for years...anonymity is kinda cool sometimes...helps you do things you might not otherwise do. That's it for now...more to come...

2005-02-01T18:25:00.000-08:00

Homework...

I haven't blogged for awhile because things have been a total blur ever since I got home from California. It has been "good busy" though...if there is such a thing. Ha ha. I loved this picture because it represents perfectly how I feel right now. I hate homework...so what do I do? I avoid it and decide to blog! Ha ha.

It's really funny for em to be talking about homework again. I feel kinda wierd just saying the word. I think I better get used to it soon though, because I am actually starting to fall behind. I got an e-mail from my professor reminded us today that our first paper is due on Sunday night, and he gently reminded me that I should have 1500 pages read by now! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ya....ok!

So anyway, it's all going good though. I just need to get in more of a routine with the whole thing. I have this feeling that I could kinda cruise my way through this whole thing, but I really dont wanna do that. I want to feel like it is worth my time. So I am gonna work hard to get into more of a regular routine of studying and writing and reading.

To those of you that have called lately, I promise I will call soon. Saturday is wide open, and I am planning on getting caught up with people. Hope you are all doing well. More to come soon.

2005-01-22T17:53:00.000-08:00

Finally feeling well...

It's been a week, but I am finally feeling better. I have gone through a whole prescription of Amoxycillin, a whole bottle of Aleve, a half bottle of Aceteminophen, and a lot of other drugs...but I am finally feeling better. It has been kind of a bummer week. I had to move offices and try to get back in the swing of things after being in CA for a week and a half, all the while with raging tonsils, a feever, and huge headaches. Definitely a bummer.

I was supposed to take our guys to a weekend retreat this weekend, but the conference we were going to was canceled due to weather concerns. I was looking forward to it, but I have to admit that I was kind of relieved a little when I found out I didnt have to go to Indianapolis. I thought I had gotten off easy and was gonna have a nice quiet nite with Liza and a good dinner, but oh no. The guys had other plans! Ha ha. They ambushed me in my office after school and demanded that I take them to do something else, and of course...I buckled. We went to over to St. Louis and ate at Outback and then went to Dave & Buster's. That was a blast. If you've never been there, its a huge arcade for grown ups. Hundreds of the coolest games everywhere. It was really fun. The guys had a blast, and I was able to con Liza into going with us too. She and I had a really good time too. When we got back, the night had only begun. The guys wanted to play basketbal n the gym at church. I thought I would humor them, and then it was up to the Zone for some ping pong and pool. Then back to my house to sleep...FINALLY...sleep...at 4:30 am. Ha ha. It was a fun night.

I haven't done a very good job of getting into a routine yet with my school stuff. I am hoping that this coming week will be a good one for getting into the swing of things. With moving offices and being sick, it was a little much to take on. I'm still thinking positively about it though. Think it's going to be a real learning and growing experience for me. I'll write more about it later. For now...PIZZA! Ha ha.

2005-01-17T20:47:00.000-08:00

No Fun...

Well, I'm home from Cali, and it's been no fun ever since I got home. I woke up Saturday morning, the day I was to leave to come to MTV, and I was kinda sick...achey muscles and sore throat. Then I missed my flight and had to take a later one which routed me through Dallas, which meant that I had to go up and down two more times...no good when you're sick. Then the luggage bay door on the plane was frozen shut and it took them an hour to get it open. Finally, at 11 PM I arrived at home (should have been here at 7) with a fever, flaming tonsils, a splitting headache, and body muscles throbbing. No fun at all.

On Sunday we started FUSION. I think it went pretty well. The band rocked, seriously rocked! I think the message was pretty good...I just felt like I couldnt get my words to come out. My head was simming and I didn't hardly sleep a wink. As soon as FUSION was over I skipped the 11 o'clock service and came home to go to bed. My fever got worse, my head came as close to exploding as is humanly possible, and I was praying for death to come soon! Ha ha.

Lots of drugs and sleep later...I'm at about 25% I think. Definitely on the upswing...as long as I keep popping Aleve and the antibiotic. LOVE THOSE TONSILS!!!

We had a great meeting tonight to get our small groups started for this semester. I'm excited about this. I think it will be so good to see 60 high school kids involved in these groups of deeper study. I cant wait to watch this effort bear fruit. I really anticipate God doing great things over the next couple of months. I kinda get the feeling that we have done a great job of following God's lead...we've primed the pump...and now things are gonna take off. CANT WAIT!

Finally got unpacked tonight. Started moving to my new office. Tomorrow starts my new routine. Up at 6:30 am and start reading and online assignments for classes. I was dreading it yesterday...but I think that was the tonsils talking. Tonight...kinda looking forward to it.

More to come soon.

2005-01-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

The Long Road Ahead...

Today, at the beginning of the day, I remember thinking that I was glad it was the last day of class so that I could just relax a little and then get home and back to normal. I remember driving to class this morning and feeling like I was about to get to the end of this road that I have been on for the past two weeks. It was kind of a nice drive...feeling like I was about to be at a point of accomplishment. Ha ha. Ya, shortly after the drive to school ended...like when I actually walked into class...that feeling also ended.

All day today all we did was talk about all of the work that is about to begin now that the "in class" work is done. I think I am about to start the most academically strenous experience I have had in a long time. It might even rival sophomore humanities...if thats even possible...(those of you from Milligan will understand the weight of that statement...aaaahhhh). 4000 pages of reading, a 40 page journal, 3-4 hours/week of online assignment work, a 15 page paper due every two weeks (total 5 papers)...all in all I think I heard one of the other guys say that it was something like 175 pages of writing...all by April 10th!!

Ya...the end of the road...NOT SO MUCH! Ha ha.

I have been looking over some of my notes and stuff in the hotel tonight. I've also just been praying and thinking about how to best grow through this experience. During my prayer time tonight I've had some excitement about this growth and I've had some wierd feelings too. I think its something like this...It's just that age ole feeling of fear of change. I know deep down that the next few months are going to be ones of change...the next couple of years are going to be ones of change as I go through this program. I can't really say that I know all of what the change is going to be. I know, though, that there will be change...very personal change...and that is exciting and scary all at the same time.

Well, enough bloviating for tonight (thanks to Bill O'Reily for that one). Tomorrow will be one of fun, relaxing, and probably some work too. FUSION starts on Sunday...can't wait! I'm pumped about it. See everyone in the Vern soon.

2005-01-12T20:51:00.000-08:00

Beautiful Sunset...

Today was a pretty good day. The weather was absolutely beautiful. The drive to class was good with the windows down, the music blarring, and the wind in my hair. We had Krispee Kremes in class this morning, and we even got out early for lunch. I went to a cafe in Fullerton and ate outside while I read a book. It was a great morning.

The afternoon session left something to be desired. It was supposed to be on team leading, but we never actually got around to it. In fact, I'm not really sure we what did in there other than listen to someone talk about something that I could never tell you what he was saying. It was...well...confusing. I worked on FUSION stuff. Got a lot done for that...so that was good! Ha ha.

On the drive home, I saw the most beautiful sunset. Every time I come out here, I think to myself..."Why dont I live here?" Then I remember all the good stuff about home. And then I think to myself again..."Why dont I live here?" Ha ha. Class is over tomorrow and then I am going to have a day to relax and get some stuff done for when I come home. At the beginning of the week, I kept thinking about Friday as my day to just chill and maybe go to the beach. As the week has progressed, though, I can see all the stuff that is going to be waiting for me when I get home, and I think I better spend at least part of the day getting ready for that. Of course, though, I'll have to get some beach time if the weather is nice!

Well, off for now. Let me know if you drop by.

A good day of learning

2005-01-10T20:44:00.000-08:00

Monday...Today was a really good day in class. This morning was filled with a section on Mentoring. Our professor was Lloyd Irwin from Australia. He has developed a model of intentional mentoring that was awesome. As a lot of you know, mentoring is something that is really important to me. I dont know if I would say that it is something that I am really good at, but it is definitely something that I love to see happening. I also dont know that I would say that I really have ever been involved in a "true" mentoring relationship, I mean in it's truest most intentional form. This model, though...a year long goal-oriented monthly meeting plan- was cool. Kinda "professional" but a good framework.

I spent some time in the library during lunch just chilling. It was good. I updated the growth blog and just had some time to read. It was good. After lunch we had another class in pneumatology...the study of Holy Spirit issues. Today the topic was Spiritual Gifts. It was really a great time of learning for me. I have to admit that I thought that I thought I understood the Biblical definition of Spiritual Gifts. Apparently not! Ha ha. I'll share more about the day if you want...just let me know and I'll e-mail you the details.

2 1/2 more days...then back to the Vern. And the best news...THE SUN COMES OUT TOMORROW!!!

A Day At Church

2005-01-09T17:34:00.000-08:00

Well, it happend again! I wrote a great entry about the day that I had today, and then something happened and I lost it. When this happens, I just wanna cuss! It's so hard to think again about all that i wrote. Oh well...here goes again!

So today we went to Crossroads Christian Church in Corona, CA. The above logo isn't theirs, but I couldnt find theirs, so now you see this one. Anyway, it was a pretty good morning. Nice to just be there and not have to be doing any of the work. The service was good. The message was about Absolute Truth. As you can imagine, I loved it. Good stuff. The pastor is Barry McMurtrie, one of the professors this week. He's from Australia, and I could listen to that accent all week. Love it.

We met with the staff after the service and had a chance to ask questions. We also got to see their building plans. Cool cool stuff. Includes mall stores, three cafes. 3200 seat auditorium, etc etc. The whole idea is based on how the Biblical towns were centered around the synagogue/temple. Crossroads is, in essence, building their own little village, called Candlewalk, and the church will be a part of all of it. The idea is that they can use all of these resources to draw people into the church. Cool ideas. Dont think it would be accepted well in MTV, but here in SoCal...I'm sure it will be a big hit.

Tonight we go to Eastside Christian Church. Don't really know what to expect. I think we are meeting with the staff there also. I checked out their website. I dont know what the church is like. I think it's large, but I dont know. The website leaves you wondering. We'll see.

Well, I better get going. Thanks to all of you who made church stuff go smoothly today. It means a lot to me to be able to be here, and you all are part of making that possbile for me. More to come soon.

2005-01-08T12:57:00.000-08:00

Blowing my mind!!

Well, I'm on my lunch break and sitting in a pizza place that has free wireless internet. It's the first chance I have really had to sit and just think about everthing that has gone down so far. Let me fill you all in on the past couple of days.

Wed...I arrived in SoCal to some beautiful weather. It was about 65 degrees and sunny. Beautiful. I got all checked into my hotel, the Hyatt in Irvine- close to the airport, and then got all unpacked. Then I went adventuring. I drove down the coast on PCH to Laguna and ate a late lunch. The Pastry Bistro...it was alright. A little too froo froo for my liking...but healthy and on the coast...so that was cool. Then I went to South Coast Plaza and did some serious...and I do mean serious...shopping. Good deals and a good way to just relax and get ready for a long 9 days ahead. All in all a great day of fun. Back to the hotel to just relax and get some sleep.

Thur...I got to HIU early in the morning (7:30 am to be exact) and was still asleep I think. It had started raining, and that was no fun. It certainly wasn't the SoCal I was hoping for. I met a few people and got oriented into what the whole thing was gonna be like. There are 12 men in my section of the program...Leadership Studies. There are some women here in the worship program, and I think total there are probably about 35 students in this program...in 4 different sections. So then it was off to class.

The first order of business was a four hour session with Barry McMurtie of Crossroads Christian Church. He was interesting. He's Australian, and he has some pretty interesting ideas about leadership in the church. He approaches it from what I would call a "CEO" model. I dont mean that in a negative way at all...I just think he takes it very seriously and is very responsible to his calling and role in the church as a leader. It was a pretty challenging morning.

At lunch, in my effort to find a way to connect online and be in touch with the outside world, I ended up at a japenese place that I think was a combination of a sushi bar and a tea room. It stinked and smelled good at the same time. The sign said "free internet" but I never actually got it to work. And, since I didnt want to feel like a jerk, I ordered some tea...mango tea to be exact. You would think that would be good...but I couldnt really understand the cashier when she was asking me something. It ended up having some round squishy ball things in the bottom of the glass that kept coming up into the straw. They were so gross. Think Fear Factor and you'll get the picture. And the internet didnt work. All in all...a bad experience.

After lunch, another session with Barry. He showed us some really cool plans for his church. They have such an interesting idea of church and reaching the lost. Very cool. I dont know if I would do it that way...but his energy about it was contagious. I liked! After class it was back to the hotel to sleep. I think I hit the sack around 9pm. I was soooooo tired.

Friday...Yesterday was a really really long day. Three long sessions that lasted from 8 am to 9 pm. First, we had a section called "Pneumatology and Leadership" It was all about the Holy Spirit and how to begin to lead "in" the Spirit. I loved it! It really challenged some of my ideas on the Holy Spirit, and I learned some new stuff. I will explain more to those that are interested.

After this, it was lunch time. I found this pizza place...Round Table(the one I'm at now)...that has free internet. I was able to log online and get some stuff done for church on Sunday. Good sandwiches too!

After lunch we had a section called "Organizational Leadership." I went into it with a bad attitude...haha...suprise right?...but it was actually really good. I mean, I could probably go through my life without it...but none-the-less it was pretty good. Basically, it was focused basic principles of leading an organization. There was some good stuff that I can take home and try out.

Dinner was interesting. I tried to find this cool mall that I heard someone talking about. I was really tired of sitting, and I thought it would be good for me to just get out and walk some. So I went on another adventure. Well, this time it didnt end so pretty. I soon found myself in the mexican ghetto of Orange County. It was really kinda scary. I dont really know how I ended up there or how I got out...but I did, and I'm here to tell about it now.

Friday night was the beginning of a three part class on Christology. Hmm...how do I say this. Well, the professor is a man named Gene Sonnenberg. He's a great guy...extremely intelligent. His class has continued on into today. ALL DAY!!! I'm trying to find a way to help you understand what it's like. We're exploring the Biblical pictures of Jesus' life...Son of Man, Son of God, King, etc etc etc...OK? Well, I'm not exactly a Bible scholar, but I think I have a fairly average working knowledge of the Good Book. This guy?! He's brilliant. Brilliant! Brilliant to the point of being really hard to understand. Know what I mean? It's hard just to follow his train of thought sometimes. But I dont doubt for one second he knows what he is talking about. It's just I dont know what that is! Ha ha. I'm hoping it will all come together soon.

Well, that is all for now. That brings everyone up to speed. I have a few mins before class starts, so I think I'm gonna run by Starbuck's and get a mocha. That ought to help with the afternoon. Check back tomorrow. I'll let you all know how the churches are that we visit tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it.

Gonna Post Again Soon!

2005-01-07T13:18:00.000-08:00

I have arrived at Hope International University to begin a Masters program in Leadership Studies. I only have like a minute and a half to write this before class starts again. I have every intention of posting more later tonight. I am having a blast so far, and I'll fill everyone in on it later tonight. More to come soon.

2004-12-22T18:53:00.000-08:00

Snow Snow Snow!!!

It's seriously cold here tonight! WOW! OK, so I have been outside for a total of about 43 seconds today, but that was enough. I walked over to the office, grabbed my stuff, and came back home. I have been "working" at home all day. We're supposed to get maybe another 6 or so inches of snow tonight to bring it up to about 9 inches. We'll see. It's comin down pretty hard right now.

I finally got my tree up, and I have put up some other christmas decorations. It's finally feeling like the season for me. My brother's family arrived today, and I guess the family festivities will start tomorrow. So for today I decided to enjoy some quiet time to relax, read, and clean. So now my house is clean, the tree is lit, the gifts are bought, and I am about as lazy as I think I can get tonight. It doesn't get much better than this. Tonight I have watched two movies, eaten everything in sight, and laid around on the couch. I was looking at the calendar a few minutes ago. I am so stoked about the next 10 or so days. Lots of friends, fam, and rest. I will be "working" at home a lot over these days. It's gonna be a good Christmas season.

2004-12-18T20:18:00.000-08:00

To The City...

Well, I didnt exactly get to post two days in a row, like I said I was going to...what can I say? I finally get a chance tomorrow to do some Christmas shopping. I am headed to St Louis tomorrow afternoon to spend the day with the rest of the procrastinators trying to find some last minute deals. It doesn't even feel like Christmas to me yet. Maybe that's because I haven't put up a tree or anything yet. That's Monday night's activity. Anyway, I'm spending the night in St. Louis and gonna make sure I have all the shopping done before I head back to the Vern on Monday. I'm really looking forward to getting away for a day. I dont know if anyone else is like this, but I really prefer shopping by myself, so I am also looking forward to that. I have a long list, and not much money. Ha ha. That ought to be interesting!

Today I spent the day at work planning for the coming year. I am so excited because I finally get to hire a secretary. I have done some interviewing, and I think I have settled on someone who I think is going to be such a great part of the team. I fully anticipate this to be a great growing experience for me. Supervising, delegating, etc...I'm just really so glad that I am finally getting some more help. I am the worst at utilizing volunteers. I havent been able to figure out what that is all about...I'm sure it's nothing good...probably something to do with my control issues...so anyway I am hoping that maybe with this person in a paid position I wont feel so hesitant to delegate and lean on her a little.

Well, that's all the exciting news around here for now. I'm ready for a good Christmas Sunday tomorrow. I kidna enjoy it. Christmas songs at Encounter tomorrow!!! Can't wait!

2004-12-16T20:54:00.000-08:00

WOW! What a week! It feels like forever since I have posted anything on here. And I guess that feeling is appropriate...since I haven't posted anything on here forever! I dont know if my life has every been busier than it is right now. (Even as I say that sentence to myself I realize that I think I have said it about 20 other times in the recent past! Ha ha. Oh well.) So I guess I just haevnt made it a priority to be on here. Ever since the National Youth Workers Convention, I've kinda been outta the blogging loop. Well, tonight, it's time to get back in the saddle.

So let's see...what's been going on? Well, probably the most significant thing is that I have decided to go back to grad school. I have enrolled in the MA program in Leadership Studies at Hope International University in Fullerton, CA.

I'm still trying to figure out how this happend. Ha ha. No, really. I just decided one day that I wanted to go. I mean, I had been thinking about it for a little bit. I knew that I wanted to continue my education, I just didn't know where or what in. Well, one day I sat down and started surfing. Actually, I was helping one of the students at church research some schools for his undergrad work, and I came across Hope. I was excited about it from the second that I started looking at it. The program I am going into is a distance learning program that will require me to be on campus, in Southern California, 16 days/year. I think that might have had something to do with my excitement. Ha ha. But the thing that really caught my attention was the structure of the course work, some of the professors, and the flexibility of the program.

So anyway, to make my really long story short, I asked the church peeps about it...got the OK...sent in lots and lots of paperwork...sent in more paperwork...and finally I am enrolled. Good stuff. I'll be in CA from Jan. 5-15th. Can't wait. I started ordering my books the other day too. I think it's going to be a really challenging experience for me....professionally (balancing it all) and personally (growing in Biblical knowledge, etc). I love a good challenge!!

So there has been some other cool stuff happening too, but I think I will save it for tomorrow's post. Yes, thats right...I intend to post two days in a row. See ya on the flip side!