What A Job...

Well, it's one of those moments in youth ministry where you sit wondering if anything you are doing is worth it. Things haven't gone particularly bad lately. I mean, SURGE was good last night, lots of new kids and fun energy. FUSION is back this week, and I think it will be a good night. I'm really pretty excited about this week's experience..."material desires"...needless to say I am being challenged in the preparation time! ha ha.

I had a conversation with Brandon last night, though, that I think we both walked away from feeling a little defeated. We talked a lot about student ministry and if what we are doing is making a difference or not. We shot around a lot of ideas, and basically I think we came to the conclusion that we are just tryin things out and seeing where they go.

Student ministry, though, has been such a tough job lately. I mean, sometimes it feels like everything I am working towards is so futile. I'm fighting against so many things that are pulling these students in the opposite direction. There's the normal teenage things like insecurity and rebellion. There are the family dynamics that are so often opposite of Christ's direction. There are societal messages like "plan to make money" and "don't let go of control". So much.

There's also more. There's my own issues to deal with too. Things like "am I pure in my motives?" Or "Is it pride that is driving my desire to do these things?" Or "What a punk kid...Give me a break!" Seriously...sometimes my own stuff is what muddies the picture so much!

OK so with all that said, I have made no conclusions. I want to be able to say that I go to bed every night feeling good about what I am doing. I want to live each day knowing that my life is making a difference. And I want to know that the impact my ministry is making on a kid's life is going to last more than just 24 hours. That's what I want. And I really think I want these things for good reasons...not prideful reasons...but for the students. I want them to experience what I have experienced...peace knowing God.

Hmmm...peace knowing God...doesn't seem like I am experiencing too much of that today. That's where I'll start.