where i've been (bringing everyone up to speed...a little bit)...

(preface) this is a long one...but it all comes together in the end...

so heres a short synopsis of my life in the past several months...mostly i'm writing this because i want to remember it later...yesterday i was reading through my archives on here...it was cool to see some things i had been chewing on have actually come to reality...so im gonna write some stuff from the here-and-now so in a year or so i can see where it has led me...

so 8 months ago i moved to southern ca to begin a job at saddleback church...i was going to be the weekend programmer for high school ministry...sounded cool...i needed a change of scenery...and i really saw god open some doors that i was sure would stay closed...so i went through the doors...packed up a moving van...sold about half of my life off...and made the horribly boring drive through western texas, god-forsaken new mexico, and the california desert to get to orange county...i had done lots of internet research on places to live, only to find that i would be incredibly poor and living in a crappy apartment...but i didnt care...i had some beautiful pics to look at and the apartment looked nice...ya...well...not so...when i pulled up after 32 hours of driving in a 48 hour span i was disappointed to see a fairly run-down apartment complex that i had signed a lease on sight-unseen...but i decided to make the best of it...so my dad and i climbed the 39 stairs an ungodly number of times carrying stuff up to the apartment...which ended up being really nice inside...

i had several visitors immediately after i arrived...and then a college student from my ministry in mt vernon moved in for the summer...he was in the OC doing an internship...several more visitors trickled in and out throughout the summer...all fun...just a little chaotic...then that student moved out and two more students from my home town moved in and began college in the OC...

(at this point, between visitors and college students, I literally have lived in my apartment by myself for a total of 12 hours...which sounds like no big deal except that i had spent 10 years living on my own prior to this...ya...adjustment...flexibility...not strengths of mine at this point)

things at work through the summer and into the fall were really really really busy...i had a hard time getting my feet under me...the weekend program was the capstone of my ministry in mt. vernon...but for some reason i had a really hard time feeling confident in this role at saddleback...i still havent figured that one out...i mean...we werent doing anything fresh and new at all really...and the direction the weekend was heading wasnt out of the ordinary for me at all...i just could never get my feet under me...it was really really wierd...

the guys started school and i kept working...we had some really fun times...cooking meals together...movies...the beach...but overall, none of us were loving living there...then around october i realized that i needed to let go...let go of the past...i felt like i was trying to move forward while keeping one eye focused on the past and hoding tightly onto relationships in mt. vernon...and i think the guys felt the same way...so we all started doing some thinking...and we ended up with different decisions...i was staying and they were going home...

then the youth summit came into the picture...it started as an idea in july...we wanted to have a summit on aids that would connect our students to the global crisis that demands the attention of christ followers...so things really kicked into high gear in october...and until december 1st i worked and worked and worked and worked...in planning meetings...on videoes...in more planning meeting...on promotion...in more planning meetings...you get the picture...the summit was awesome...a ton of work...but worth it...1000 students onsite...4000 students via sattelite...global faith leaders like john thomas from south africa and frances chan...emerging world leaders like jenna bush...and rick and kay warren...completely and totally cool...the process was a pain...but the product was great...so we learned and now we will do it better next time...

so the summit ended on december 1st...then i had to move from my crappy apartment because it was sliding down a hill...really...not kidding...it was sliding down a hill...freakin california...

i found a great apartment in a really cool area...ladera ranch...its beautiful...but the thought of those stinkin 39 stairs...i just couldnt do it...so i hired movers...paid the deposits...packed it all up...moved 5 miles and unpacked it all...and thousands of dollars later...i now have a nice apartment in a nice area...

(still only had 12 hours alone in my apartments at this point...haha)

christmas break was fast approaching at this point...but there were some other big changes happening before Christmas that I wasnt sure of yet...

so right now i am in the vern and need to go to lunch with my parents...so i'll write more in a little bit about the other big changes...

but first let me say this...

god is good...i KNOW that now...and all of this (and so much more) has been a "breaking down" that i needed so bad...a deconstructing...things i thought i was good at...not anymore...things i thought i cared about...not so much anymore...things i thought i needed to survive and thrive...not really...today, im stronger...im more broken...im healthier...and im more dependent than ever before on god...somewhere close to where i should be...

more to come later today...