a pretty good christmas...

christmas is over...and i have to say it was just a pretty good one...not a great one...not a horrible one...just not really of noteable greatness...good times with family...good church...good gifts...it was hard to get into the christmas spirit this year i think...today, it is literally 50 degrees outside...no snow...not even really cold...just grey and rainy...and that makes it hard to get excited about christmas...oh well...not the end of the world...

i have one week until i leave for california again...school...well...lets just say this...its not going well...i think i am just going to be taking these classes as "audits" this time...i didnt do well last semester at all...and i really need to talk to my professor about that...so theres that...and i dont know really what to do about it...i guess i will just go and see what happens...maybe i will just do it all and go from there...

i have to admit i am not really looking forward to leaving...i feel like i have one week between now and then to get everything set into place in order to be organized and ready for another semester of youth ministry...woot...cant wait...can you feel the sarcasm?...its tough right now...i'm gonna try to just keep plugging on...but i have to admit...its tough...i just dont want to make decisions that are rash because of a mood or just a time of transition...so i am moving really slowly...and while that is frustrating and makes me kinda crazy i think it is good...

looking forward to a new year...it holds lots of change...and for that i am excited

africa...again...

i got to hear Titus Khamala of Kenya, Africa tonight...he came to d-group to talk to the hs kids about african issues...he talked about the aids crisis, poverty, the need for clean water, and evangelism...it was so great to hear his stories...one of the most important things that i think i heard, though, was that he encouraged us, as americans, to be more thankful people...he talked about how we can just go to the refrigerator and get a glass of water...without even thinking about it...and how getting clean water is a huge chore for african people...

wow...i dont think i am making any sense right now...ok...so heres the deal...i keep finding myself revisiting africa...i keep wanting to know more...i keep seeing it on tv...i keep hearing about it...and the more i hear about it the more i want to go there...i have no idea what i would do there...i have no idea what i would do there...i have no idea about any of it...i just wanna go...thats it...and really when i think about it...its kinda like i wanna move there...i want to wake up each day and just be with people...and help people...and not have to go to "work" or worry about any of that stuff...i guess its kinda like this...i want the simplicity that comes with it...and i want the struggle that comes with it...i dont have much of those things...my life is not really very simple...i make it very complicated...and its certainly not much of a struggle...i have a lot...and i keep getting more...food whenever i want...all kinds of electronics...blah blah blah...not a whole lot of struggle...

i want to live the life that i was meant to live...its like the subtitle of this blog...someone who wants to be more...and i think that the life i was meant to live would look more like christ's...more focused on people...those suffering...instead of on myself so much...and i think that i might need something as severe as africa to get me to that point...to wake me up...to force me to look beyond myself...

this is not where i thought this post would go...interesting...

a good cup of coffee...

tonight was a good night to just chill at home...i fixed a pot of coffee...one of my favorite things to do...and just chilled watchin tv and blogging...i've discovered the message boards on relevantmagazine.com...really cool stuff...there are a ton of people just communicating and sharing thoughts on so many life issues...i posted my first one tonight...it was about my experience at Riverdance last night...

speaking of...wow...stinkin awesome...i have never seen anything like it...anything so perfect...it was truly awesome...i wrote on relevant about how it was actually a kind of spiritual experience...i mean, i read all these books and articles about experiencing god in the beauty of the earth and in just the everyday life...and sometimes i can connect with that...but other times i cant...i mean, i can connect with bible reading, worship, prayer...all the churchy stuff that i've been a part of for 30 years...but experiencing god in other "non-churchy" things is a new thought for me...but rob bell says its the way its supposed to be...so i try...haha...










last night i experienced god in the beauty of the riverdance...hahahahahahahahha...i really dont think i have ever said anything cornier...haha...but seriously...i was so awestruck...and i seriously found myself thanking god for it...i found myself (in a wierd sense) worshipping at riverdance...communicating with god...responding to the beauty he had put before me...and it was good...good growth...

till next time...

world aids days...

here are some stats that i have come across today as i've been aware that today is world aids day...

TODAY 40,000,000 people are living with aids
as of TODAY 20,000,000 people have died of aids
500,000 children were diagnosed with aids in 2005
3,000,000 people were diagnosed with aids in 2005
the aids crisi in sub-saharan africa is the worst crisis the world has ever seen...worse than the holocaust...worse than any hurricane...worse than war
in sub-saharan africa, there is a 50/50 chance that babies will be born with aids...1 out of every 2

so these stats aren't new to me today...i've heard them before...and i guess there's nothing special about today...except that the world is willing to pay attention today...the president speaks on tv today about the aids crisis...today is a day to AT THE VERY LEAST think about those victims...today is a day to do something...

i'm one of those people that connects with this...i connect emotionally...i connect in a sense that i want to do something...i connect in a sense that i dont want to be someone who does nothing...someone who just does through life consuming while others are dying...i connect in a sense that i am willing to financially committ...

but i still feel like i need to do more...i need to spiritually connect...i have worked hard to politically, financially, and emotionally connect...but today i realize that i have not spiritually connected...i have not prayed...i have not spoken enough in spiritually settings...

today i pray for victims of aids...i pray for all of sub-saharan africa...i pray for these helpless children...i pray for relief...i pray in faith that my God hears and cares...i pray in faith that my God is bigger than 40,000,000 victims... i pray in faith that my God, in his everlasting goodness, will help us all understand and care...

today...all day...i will pray